allDAY : TODAY moms

The TODAY family weighs in on women in America

Sarika Dani — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:24:00 GMT

As TODAY begins to explore A Woman's Nation, the show's anchors, guests and producers offer their opinions about the state of women in America, from family life to the professional world.

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For more on A Woman's Nation, click here.

'Do our kids get too many trophies?'

Ryan Osborn — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 15:45:00 GMT

Today producers and authors of, "Today's Moms," Maryann Zoellner and Alicia Ybarbo are once again a part of the "momversation."

See the episode below which asks, "Do our kids get too many trophies?"

Also please check out our new site, TodayMoms.com.

Today's "24/7" Moms

Ryan Osborn — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:02:00 GMT

Trisha Novotny, founder of 247moms.com and mother of five children, stopped by our studio this morning.

Trisha tweeted:

Highlight of r NYC trip was the todays show tour thanks maryann.

TODAY Producer and author of "Today's Moms," MaryAnn Zoellner asked Trisha about the experience.

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You can follow Trisha on Twitter and check out her Facebook page.

Natalie Morales: All parents have faced those humbling moments

Jen Brown — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 12:09:00 GMT

From Natalie Morales, TODAY host and national correspondent

On Thursday we talked to Anita Tedaldi, a woman who adopted a child and then gave him up 18 months later. As horrible as that headline sounds, you realize how just complicated the situation was and how agonizing the decision to give up little “D.” was when you read Anita’s own account. It’s a piece that will bring you to tears.

When that essay was first published in the New York Time’s Motherlode blog, many people accused Anita of being irresponsible for taking on more than she could handle, for not trying hard enough to make her adoption work (even though she writes about trying everything from months of therapy to bonding sessions with a psychologist, etc.). Several others, however, applauded Anita for her courage and the strength she showed in making what she felt was ultimately the best decision for the child.

No matter how you feel about Anita's decision to terminate her adoption, her story is one almost every mother can relate to on some level. That’s because this is not necessarily about terminating an adoption as it is a story of a woman coming to terms with her emotions and accepting the fact she couldn't be the kind of mom she thought she would be to her adopted child. As much as we all like to think we can do it all, we’ve all had that humbling moment – or many humbling moments -- when we must recognize our own limitations. When was the last time you felt like you weren't a good enough parent? How often have you asked if you are doing the right thing, whether in loving or disciplining your child?

In her essay, Anita describes struggling to bond with D. the way she bonded with her five biological children. I know many women who have experienced that with their own flesh and blood. Upon becoming a parent we are often told that you will experience a love like no other. All this is very true, but some mothers don’t have that instant bond the second this brand new life is placed into their arms. It doesn't mean they don't become amazing supermoms and love their children more than anything, but we all love differently and some need time to forge that bond.

So perhaps some of you will still find fault with Anita; others might sympathize with her situation a little more when considering her story through the lens of a parent with their own limitations and shortcomings. We can all, I think, agree Anita did not fail in giving D. a better life in the end. Where might little D be now? Perhaps still in an orphanage in a third world country with a variety of health issues. I asked Anita if she felt she saved little D when he needed saving, and to that she responded with a resounding "yes."

I hope you read Anita's essay with an open mind and an open heart -- it will make you think, it will make you cry, it will make you question what it means to love as a parent.

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Today's 'super-competitive moms'

Ryan Osborn — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 22:14:00 GMT

Today producers and allDAY contributors Mary Ann Zoellner and Alicia Ybarbo are once again a part of the momversation.

The site asks:

Healthy competition is good. It pushes you to become a better version of yourself, whether it's in sports, gaming, or even the workplace. But when it comes to moms competing over their children, well, that gets a bit sticky. Do we really need to compete over kids' grades, the price of their clothes, or which mom bought the most expensive toy for Christmas? Does competition over these things help anyone? Shouldn't we set mommy competition aside and instead support one another?

How do you deal with super-competitive moms?

Smile, mommy needs a photo!

Alicia Ybarbo — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 21:39:00 GMT

From Alicia Ybarbo, TODAY producer & co-author of "TODAY'S MOMS: Essentials for Surviving Baby's First Year"

When it comes to getting my children to pose for a professional photographer, I wave the white flag. For some reason, I simply can't do it.

I've never been one to dress my children up, smooth their hair out and drive to Sears for a photo session — much less even make the appointment for one! When my first born was still a baby, I remember zooming past his first year birthday without ever having a professional photo taken. (Gasp!) I did eventually have one taken, albeit several months after his first birthday, due to some gentle nudging from mommy friends.

Instead of having my children take the traditional photo every year where they sit in a studio, I've been taking them to the green patches of Central Park in New York City. Once a year, I photograph them dressed in all white clothing — simple items that hold sentimental meaning. Since my son turned one, I've photographed him in an old white chambray shirt that my husband used to wear. The sleeves are three times too long and the neck is badly frayed. When my son wears it, it looks more like a dress on him than anything. But having just taken the sixth year of these photos I can see such an amazing difference in both his physical growth as well as his personality and spirit. He's actually starting to fill out the shirt! And since my daughter was one, I've put her in a white vintage tennis dress that I used to wear in my 20's. The goal is to take images of them in the same clothing every year until the items actually fit.

I'm not saying taking pics like these don't come with similar frustrations of sitting in a studio. Many times my kids become disinterested after I've run out of the lollipops and jelly beans used as bribery. They're hungry, tired or just want to go home. But the advantage I have is that they get to play, run around and be themselves while I snap away.

Today I produced a segment with Monica Rich Kosann on photographing your family. As a mom, designer and photographer, she shared a unique perspective on taking pictures:

Strive for a less than perfect image.
Don't ask your family to pose.
Keep the camera out for moments after others put theirs away.
Sometimes the best photo is when there aren't any faces in the shot.

The cool thing is that these guidelines are actually doable for the amateur photographer. I wanted to ask a few other folks about their secrets to successful picture taking. Here's what a few twittering friends had to share:

@kikarose Getting down on their level. I find that the best shots I get are when I'm face to face with them.

@MrsMoNJ Hold the shutter down so that when the moment is there you can do a quick snap and the picture is done.

@cheekyandswank With digital..shoot, shoot and shoot more.

@nurserytales I usually bring the camera out when they are playing and crawling around. They end up posing anyway!

@gentleearth Take photos outside. Catch them when they are occupied with something.

@MidwestMoms Especially with young ones, don't say 'smile!' Say 'laugh' instead or have them say a silly word so their smile is natural.

@sweetlollipop The best pictures are taken with my digital outdoors in good sunlight when they're not aware I'm taking pic.

@jphay 1) full bellies 2) nice window light 3) chair w/sides 4) zoom in close 5) shoot lots 6) shoes off/tickle toes

@Mamalode Lay down and take the pic of them with the sky or leaves above, off center.

@TrakVu Don't use a flash! Turn up the ISO and take tons of pix. the random ones are the best!

@jsbagain I had the best luck with candids this summer...just letting them be and shooting away.

@lilsugar Go with candid rather than posed photos because they show your child's personality!

@allison_butt Just let the kids be themselves, you'll really capture their personality if you aren't trying to pose them all of the time.

@LittleSoles LOW STRESS = Best Pics.

Now that you've learned everything you need to about taking family photos, we'd like to see yours! Send us your most creative photos and we'll feature the best in our photo gallery.

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Going back to my 'roots': First camping trip with the kids

Alicia Ybarbo — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 18:30:00 GMT

From Alicia Ybarbo, TODAY producer & co-author, TODAY'S MOMS: Essentials for Surviving Baby's First Year

As a child, my family took me camping on a regular basis. My parents even have pictures of me when I was just two weeks old, swaddled like a burrito, chilling out at a campground. That experience, at two-weeks-old, was just the beginning of a childhood of outdoor education.

Every summer my parents would take me and my siblings to places in California like Eureka, Mendocino, Bodega Bay, Yosemite, Sequoia and Shasta. We’d take in lakes and mountains, redwood forests and beautiful oceans. These were vacations where nature was presented to us as an outdoor classroom. I finally got the chance to take my own children to experience the great outdoors at Calaveras Big Trees State Park in California, just north of Yosemite – home of giant sequoias, some as old as 2000 years old.

If you strike from your memory the idea of dirty clothes, timed showers, bug bites, and cramped quarters, camping is quite fun! My children loved it. And what’s not to love about most camping rituals: eating s’mores, stargazing, talking by the campfire, reading books, bike riding, marathon Scrabble games, swims in ice cold lakes, and hikes in the mountains with a little trail mix as the reward? This was a time where I was also able to expose my children to nature, conservation and our environment. In fact, most state and national parks offer plenty of programs for kids, and Big Trees was no exception.

My children became “Litter-Getters” and collected trash around the park to help keep it clean and wild. Any trash turned in was rewarded with a sticker from the visitor’s center. My children and nephew would run around our campground with plastic gloves on one hand saying things like, “Look! We found a bottle cap!” with the same excitement as they would have if they found money on the ground. They enjoyed the evening campfire programs led by park rangers. They also participated in the Junior Cubs program, where every day was a new lesson about animals. I learned (scratch that, they learned) that owls regurgitate (i.e. throw up) a pellet before they eat again; that the only Grizzly bear in California is on the state flag and how “fed bears are dead bears”; while hearing that ladybugs are our friends.

One thing we were disturbed to learn is that the fate of more than 100 state parks in California is in jeopardy because of budget woes. (So now Smokey the Bear is out of a job, too?) We need to use, appreciate and respect these parks before they become a thing of the past. I want more than a memory of camping. I want the real thing.

What is your favorite memory of camping with your family?

My child had swine flu

Vidya Rao — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 14:10:00 GMT

From MaryAnn Zoellner, TODAY producer & co-author, TODAY'S MOMS: Essentials for Surviving Baby's First Year

It was May 22, the Friday before Memorial Day. I was sitting at my desk when I got the call from the doctor’s office that my 2-year-old, Arabella, was just tested for the flu virus and it came back positive: Influenza A − most likely swine flu. The reason they couldn’t say officially that it was swine flu is because only the CDC can determine that. My heart stopped.

Let me go back to the beginning: On Tuesday, Arabella and Zurielle, 4, both woke up with snotty noses. The next day, Zurielle slept until 9 a.m., which was odd. But when she crawled out of bed, she was fine. Arabella was another story.

Her snotty nose had developed into a slight fever and a horrible cough, but this was pretty typical for my daughter − she seemed to have a cough all winter long. So after two days of trying homeopathic methods to no avail, I thought we'd better go to the doctor before the holiday weekend.

Then I got the call from the doctor with the diagnosis. I can’t describe how I felt. I was crying and very emotional. I know it sounds ridiculous, but this was just days after a toddler died from swine flu in Texas. Arabella, like the child who died, has a weak immune system. The doctor put Arabella on Tamiflu and, as a precautionary measure, put Zurielle on medication as well. We quarantined ourselves for the entire holiday weekend. Thankfully, after a week, no one else in the family became ill and Arabella was back to her super-smiley, cheerful self.

I really panicked when I heard the words “swine flu,” but my advice for other parents is to know that even though it sounds awful and scary, so far swine flu has, for the most part, been very mild.

Here is the most basic advice: Wash, wash, wash your hands and your children's hands constantly! While swine flu is scary, seasonal flu is even more so, killing 35,000 every year. Chew on that bacon.

Lessons from sending your child to 'Camp Nana and Papa Bear'

Alicia Ybarbo — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:18:00 GMT

From Alicia Ybarbo, TODAY producer & co-author, TODAY'S MOMS: Essentials for Surviving Baby's First Year

Two weeks ago my husband and I dropped off our six-year-old son, Jack, and his grandmother at the airport. My mother had flown in from California to pick him up and take him back to her house in California. Jack was on his way to enjoy a month at “Camp Nana and Papa Bear” (as they're affectionately called).

Going off to camp – or anywhere for a long period of time - is a rite of passage for many children in America, but this was a totally new experience for my family. Emotions were high as my husband, daughter and I left the airport…with a noticeably quieter car. I looked back to see Jack standing on the curb with Nana, both of them smiling back at us. As my eyes started to tear behind my sunglasses, Jack’s arms were excitedly waving goodbye.

My little Jackieboy would be gone for four weeks, until we went out there to pick him up. Count them -- four! Did we really just decide to let him go for that long? What if he wanted to come home before we went out there to meet him?

When we travel to California (usually for a week at a time) our time is spent running between family and friends, carefully orchestrated by a day planner and watch. But with four weeks on the clock, Jack's trip would hopefully prove to be different. He’d have plenty of time to enjoy with his grandparents, aunt, uncles and cousins.

That next Monday at work my colleague, Ada, asked me how Jack's departure was. When I immediately welled up she said, "You looked back as you drove away, didn't you?" Another colleague jokingly chimed in, saying that my husband would be on a plane to California before two weeks were up.

To find out if our decision was a good one, I consulted with Dr. Ruth Peters, Ph.D., who is a TODAY contributor and clinical psychologist. She said, "I think that it's wonderful that Jack gets this adventure, being in California with just his grandparents. It may be a bit too long, but if he's enjoying himself then why not? This teaches independence and self reliance."

A bit too long? Aargh! The kid barely left and already I screwed up! All sorts of thoughts raced through my mind: Is he going to feel stranded out there? Will this be something that scars him for life? I want this to be a positive experience for my son, not a regretful one. But then Ruth followed up with, "It's nice that he gets some alone time with his grandparents. I think it all depends upon how he's doing. Some kids can spend time away from parents and feel really special but if he's homesick….don't make a big deal if it. Just let him come home early if necessary."

We’ve just celebrated the midway point of Jack’s trip (two down, two to go), and he’s having a BLAST! Here are a few things we've learned (so far) from this experience:

1. Take yourself out of the equation. We consider this a gift to our son and his grandparents. It’s his time to build a stronger bond with his grandparents while creating memories to last a lifetime. Selfishly, I sent him out there with a fun little journal and asked him to write one sentence every night. That will be fun for us to go through when he gets back.

2. Set ground rules with Grandma and Grandpa regarding calls home and Skype (p.s. Skype is awesome). I’m embarrassed to say I had to scold my darling mom one night when we didn’t hear from them or our son for more than a day. When we finally tracked them down, Nana said Jack was having too much fun to call. I snarled back with a “Well it’s your responsibility to have him stop what he’s doing so I can hear his little voice. Okay, love you.” First thing in the morning and last thing at night usually work best for calls home.

3. Take advantage of the one-on-one time you have with your other children. Our daughter Lucy shared often in the first few weeks that she missed Jack, but when that happened we’d call Jack or draw him a picture. The upswing of Lucy being the only child at home: meltdowns have almost completely disappeared, she doesn’t have to compete with anyone for attention and dinners out with her are actually a joy!

4. Plan a date night with daddy. Mark and I have always had a good system with date nights, but we’ve added one additional night a week to go for a quick bite, double date or movie. I’ve also used this time for me to do things I haven’t had time to squeeze in. So far I’ve tried a new fitness class, redecorated the guest bathroom and added a few new pairs of shoes to my closet.

5. Understand that what happens at G’ma and G’pa’s, stays at G’ma and G’pa’s. One day I was talking to Jack and he shared that Papa hadn’t taken him to the French Fry Store yet. Rather than get upset, I found the silver lining in the story. At least he wasn’t running around saying ‘Supersize me’…

What advice do you have for moms and dads who are new to summer’s empty nest? Do share.

'How do you find me time?'

Ryan Osborn — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 22:44:00 GMT

TODAY producers and authors of "Today's Moms," Mary Ann Zoellner and Alicia Ybarbo have joined the "momversation."

Along with Heather Armstrong of dooce.com and Daphne Brogdon of coolmom.com, they took a few minutes to answer the question, "How do you find me time?"