Before you date, Google

Jennifer — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 07:03:17 GMT

Very interesting. I once Googled a man I met at a singles event. That man turned out to have spent two years in jail awaiting the trial for the murder of his pregnant wife (no, not that guy, another one). Needless to say, Google saved me a lot of headache. Google images helped me confirm it was him.

Before you date, Google

Jeff , Independence, ky — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 12:54:44 GMT

Very hottt guy. As long as he is up front i dont see the harm. I would honestly like to meet him. Jena are you ever into hooking up with guys?
let me know

Before you date, Google

Al Price, San Diego, CA — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 12:54:48 GMT

You have got to be kidding me....I am a guy, and have had more than my fair share of sexcapades, but to see this guy, the only thing that comes to mind is an American version of Borat....the only panties he could steal would be off a mannequin.

Before you date, Google

"Scorned but Not Burned" Bayonne, NJ — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 12:58:29 GMT

I not only Google, I also do a background check through one of those "detective" websites on the internet. Call me cynical, but it works. I once discovered that a guy I was dating was actually married. And, when I sent a "Happy Birthday, My Darling" fruit basket to his home, he "suddenly" came clean about his real life and I never saw nor spoke to him again. My philosophy: "He shouldn't have done it!"

Before you date, Google

Clare O'Leary — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 12:58:29 GMT

Regarding Paul the Casanova: I don't think Meredith was being very fair to him. He seems to deal and is up front about his realities and the women he dates shouldn't read more into his one-demension thinking. Why is OK for women in Sex in the City and not for men like Paul?

Before you date, Google

Diane D, Arlington, VA — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 13:10:02 GMT

I just watched your segment about Paul Janka. Sex addiction is an illness that is probably more prevalent than we are aware of. No woman or man wants to be lied to , cheated on, betrayed or treated like an object. As you probably noticed in the TV interview, Paul Janka is absolutely clueless, which reveals one of the most outstanding traits of a sexaholic who is not in recovery, that of being a narcissist. For those men and women out there who are in a relationship with one of the "Pauls" or "Paulas" of the world get support. You deserve it!

Before you date, Google

Aly, Sarasotta Fl — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 13:29:23 GMT

I am a 36 year old woman and completely agree with paul Janka. He is upright and truthful with all the women in what he wants and doesn't want and it's up to the woman to agree or walk away. He's not harming any body. He's not in a relationship and has the right to do whatever he chooses as long as he is truthful from the begining, which he is. I applaud him. Women give women a bad name!!!!It's on the woman if she ends up getting hurt. She should have never gotten involved with some one who didn't want anything but a good time.

Before you date, Google

Lori Mares, Easton, PA — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 13:34:43 GMT

I hope that the Today Show will consider giving equal time to the women who've been negatively impacted by men like this. It's not a game, it's never innocent, and no matter what Paul Janka says...his intent is to hurt as many women as possible. He's seen the pain this has caused, and yet he's going to write a "how-to" manual to spread the behaviour. His segment on the Today Show is his "15 minutes of fame" for being morally bankrupt, and now I get to lay awake at night worrying about my 15 and 11 year old daughters, praying that they don't come into contact with any of the men his "how-to" manual will train. Paul Janka is the legal version of a sexual predator.

Before you date, Google

Karen Strid Devon PA (mental health therapist, mother of 3 37yrs old) — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 13:45:03 GMT

I actually feel badly for this guy. He clearly has some issues, and probably feels all he has going for him are his looks and is using that to help him feel loved.
Hopefully he can see that he has worth beyond sex and will become a more evolved man someday capable of a loving relationship.

Before you date, Google

Jim — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 13:54:21 GMT

This guy needs to find Jesus. He may think he is a Christian. A Christian man does not act this way.

Before you date, Google

Adam Crawford, Waskom, Texas — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 13:54:44 GMT

I think he is open about a subject that many are so closed-mined with. Let's get into the day and age where we are accountible for what we do.

Before you date, Google

~melly, West Plains, MO — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:08:54 GMT

i just watched this on the show, and i must say, i am APPALLED that this man is being torn down because "women might get their feelings hurt."

as a sexually free woman, i find it insulting that this man, who, as is appears from everything i've found, is upfront, honest, and excited about his sex life and his life in general, is being crucified as a "creep" "sex addict" or anything else, because we women' "cant be responsible" (as that professional said so easily) for our own emotional responses.

i am absolutely unoffended by his actions and behaviors. this man has successfully carried on monogamus long-term relationships, and when he is single, he chooses to play the field fully, and enjoy himself. what's wrong with this?

beyond the religious heartstring of "sex belongs in marriage" that seems to be getting pulled here, what is the problem with him enjoying partners and living his life? if the implication is that he is insensitive because the expectation is that the women he's with think, "ooh! i've got a MAN now! he's going to love me and take care of me, and adore me for_EVER!" after a booty call, then i'm even MORE insulted. do these professionals think that i as a woman am so needy, weak, and desperate for any man, that i will sleep with one, and immediately tack love and marriage onto that?

and if, as this professional suggested, some women have emotional hurts and damages that make them susceptible to being hurt, how in the world can this man be expected to peer into her psyche and make psychological judgements on her welfare in a bar?? and also, why would he care? why woud anyone? do you go to a bar, and lok around th room, thinking, "ahh.. that looks like a nice, mentally stable person who can handle a no-strings encounter!" or "oh, no, that girl appears to be the kind for whom a sexual encounter will engender feelings of devotion and commitment, due to physical abuse in her childhood. perhaps i should not attempt to engage her in coversation, sdue to her susceptibility to my artfully designed pick-up lines."

what kind of ridiculousness is this?

even more disturbing is the assupmtion that his actions are a stand-in for fear of intimacy. i have had many partners, and i revel in the glory of the intimacy i can share with them. i love the feeling of being with people, of sharing moments with them, and being able to share with others.

perhaps their definition of intimacy is different from mine, but my ability to experience intimacy is NOT tied to remaining monogamous.

open your horizons, folks. and women, learn to be responsible for your own selves. don't use your abuse history as a crutch to blame others for your own hurt feelings.

and yes, i am an abuse survivor myself. i am also a strong woman, and a very intimate one, who enjoys her sex life, and her friendships, and my life is extremely fulfilling. i think it is very sad that anyone who lives outside the 1950's sexual norm is deemed a creep, a loser, a freak, a womanizer. living an alternative lifestyle is hard. living it publicly is even harder. bravo to you, Paul.

Paul, i applaud you for your courage in coming on the show. i wish they had chosen someone besides meredith to interview you. you deserved better.

Before you date, Google

Kate Tilton , Shoreham, Vermont — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:11:23 GMT

There are two things I'd like to mention about today's interview with
Paul Janka and the sex addiction expert. No one is at the whim of the outside world here. We are always making choices. Paul may be inundated with images of beautiful, nearly naked women in day to day life. These images are everywhere. Yes, they can be seen as encouraging non committal engagement in the "fun" part of gender relations. The point is that we all have a choice in how we respond to this kind of media manipulation. Paul is not a victim of these images until he acts like one.
The sex expert (apologies, I can't find her name ) points out that a young woman could be easily misled by someone like Paul, that she is not able to freely choose her reaction to such a man coming on to her. Again, no one is making her do this, she is in the driver's seat here. Her hopes may be clouding her judgment, and she most certainly could be hurt, but she is not victim to a man like Paul until she acts like one.

Before you date, Google

Rosalyn M.. Grove City, Ohio — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:15:24 GMT

I would like to comment on the segment regarding the cassanova (12/10/07). I really do not see anything wrong with what he is doing. Now if he purposely looked for vulnerable women, then there is a problem and he would be a creep. He said that he is very up front with what he is looking for or wants. Now as far as being responsible for the woman's feelings when he crosses the line and starts lying to achieve his goal, then he is wrong. Unfortunately, women do and can read more into what he or any cassanova maybe saying when they say. We as women have to make sure we know what want and be strong. If you are only looking for coffee and dessert (hint,hint); then go with the flow. If you want husband, kids and the whole nine yards, then coffee and dessert may not be enough. I think it all depends on where you are in life on how you will approach a situation. Women just stand strong on what you want and let be know when you know it what you want and make sure all parties involve have a clear understanding. Cassanova is handsome, sounds successful and knows where he is at right now and that is just dating what is wrong with that. Meredith back off. When you think about it he is just being truthful and sometimes the truth can hurt, but in this case I think it is helpful. Because all parties knows what's up, now you choose to get involve.

Before you date, Google

Jennifer Johnson Eau Claire Wisconsin — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:15:31 GMT

I watched your segment on this man. It was discussed that he hurts women. I don't encourage this behavior. If, however, he is up front with women that he only wants sex before he sleeps with them, it is not his responsibility for the woman's feelings. As a woman, I find it insulting to suggest that he would be responsible for my feelings of upset if I made the choice to sleep with him. As adults we are responsible for ourselves and the decisions we make. And again while I would not encourage his behavior I applaud his honesty. If a woman does not want to feel hurt she should decline his offer.

Before you date, Google

Patricia Culbertson — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:18:32 GMT

Yes, to be young again and thinking that your looks will never fade....then to age and find out that the saying is true" Beauty is only skin deep."
The vain person is the one who is going to suffer in the long run because all that person[ the vain one] has to offer it their looks and not any value towards being a loving human being.
We usually distinguish humans from animals in the wild but some people just don't get that concept.
Yes, I'd love to be young again but if I could go back, I would value more than my looks because I came to find out that beauty is a mask and when a person ages, they have to take off the mask.

Oh well,he will have to live with himself so let it be. Too bad SO sad!!!!!

Before you date, Google

c mason fort smith, arkansas — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:22:48 GMT

I wish I could meet someone but I am to afraid of the net date thing...I just don't trust it for that matter I don't trust men. Wish I could, because I am sure I will miss out of the "one" for me. Could use a little help in this department. Sometimes I think, God needs to send him to my door before I can trust.

Before you date, Google

Lisa, Kaleva, Michigan — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 15:01:20 GMT

I don't see anything wrong with the way Paul handles his life. If he is upfront and totally honest with what he wants than it should be no problem-- women that get attached after a "casual encounter" should rethink the term "casual".

Before you date, Google

SL, New York, NY — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 15:27:17 GMT

I watched the segment and I think Meredith's hostility was unprofessional and disappointing. What was she so upset about? -- she doth protest too much it seemed! And the female doctor sitting next to him seemed like she had been coached to assume that Paul hurts women and is a sex addict and she didn't listen to him at all. I agree with the comment above that mentions Sex and the City. How demeaning to women that they are being characterized as feeble victims. Paul just didn't seem so nefarious. I'd go out with the guy!

Before you date, Google

Man Up, Be Honest — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 15:27:19 GMT

He's not being totally honest with these women, "seduce" means he is not laying his intentions out on the table, directly, bluntly & up front. He goes from 1 end of the spectrum (spending $ on golddiggers) to the other end of lying to get sex. He's right about golddiggers are more interested in what they do on a date or where they eat, but the opposite extreme is lying to get sex. It's great to get to know each other at home but anyone who misleads a woman about him only wanting a BOOTY CALL is not a man, he's a wuss.

Before you date, Google

em, nyc — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 15:46:46 GMT

this guy is ok looking, not amazing looking and you can just tell that he's creepy,, echh I cant stand his monotone voice... Why would you wanna marry someone like this even if you could anyway?? I meet guys like him in the city all the time, that think they are entitled cause they went to Harvard or whatever. Give me a normal guy over him any day..It's not that hard to see through someone like this! I feel bad for him to, seems like he needs some real substance/love in his life.

Before you date, Google

El Suave — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 15:54:29 GMT

All I can say is this, what we have here is a gentleman that knows what he is doing. Men do this all the time, however, the only reason anyone is making a fuss is because he completely right with his methods. People always get mad when ever someone speaks the truth, that's just history. Instead of saying anything negative towards him, let's examine the society that creates men like this. Let's face it, nice guys do finish last and this is a nice guy who just had enough. It's women who always go for the jerks (95%) who create guys like this. That's the truth, get mad at me if you want but every guy out there knows this, and I respect the women who can at least admit to it. Put me on TV if you want, I'll be more then happy to explain more...

Before you date, Google

Michelle, Kalama, WA. — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:04:30 GMT

I think that the Today Show should find some of his "conquests" and interview them... why would someone want to demoralize themselves for a one night stand and not have dreams of the future? I have and I hoped that it would become more than a one night stand. There was the attraction, sex, no promises (though in the back of my head I was hoping he liked me)and then "see ya later... " Then you deal with regrets, being scared of disease and always hoping that they would call back. We are meant for a monogamous relationship, if we cannot control our sex drive. I am now married for 20+ years and enjoy my relationship with my husband. And I did have one night stands before we were together and then married. I regret each and everyone.

Before you date, Google

Michelle, St. Paul, MN — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:05:48 GMT

I don't see a problem with the way Paul lives his life if he verbally tells a woman flat out, "hey, I'm just looking for casual fun", but to not verbally say anything and to ASSUME that most women buy into the same thing is simple ignorance and irresponsibility. Each of us is responsible for our own behavior and actions, to assume we can do what we want when we want and we don't have to be responsible for how it comes off to other people is again, ignorant and totally lacking any integrity. And while I may sound like a prude because I'm against irresponsible, other peoples feelings don't matter behavior, ultimately most people are looking for connection in life, whether they are aware of it or not. And that is what matters the most, it is what makes us want to get up in the morning and be in this life!

If two people want to enjoy casual, no strings attached sex, that is fine if they both make it VERY clear to each other. Unfortunately, we often connect with opposites (and there's a reason for that) and in that sense we do have to watch our for one another. No wonder our world is so messed up, our society has this pathetic attitude that we don't have to care about other people or their feelings. We only care when a tragedy happens, and that should NOT be the only time we care.

Before you date, Google

Elizabeth — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:06:44 GMT

I have absolutely no problem with men who are up front with the women they date or maybe in Paul's case, sleep with. I've dated men with no intention of marrying them, what is the difference? It was always up to me to decide if I took it to a more physical relationship. I dated many men until the age of 30, when I met my husband. Things fell into place, we married 2 years later and have been together a total of 7 without children.

Before you date, Google

Jim, Bucks County, Pa — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:11:40 GMT

Look, he is just a normal, Red blooded American Male.He is just being up front agout it. He is not a casanova, and he is no more adicted to sex, then and other Man. This has been going on since the beging, of Man and Women.

Before you date, Google

Man Up, Be Honest — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:12:34 GMT

You can research your date & find out if they are Players AND Golddiggers at "WomanSavers" . Men & women can look here and also at "TrueDater" to check a person out before you go out on that wasted 1st date only to find this info out. We always wanted a way to ask previous suitors (victims) what this person is like, here's 2 places that allow you do.

Before you date, Google

KRISTINA, LAS VEGAS NV — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:14:59 GMT

SADLY, THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE HIM. I, PERSONALLY, FIND IT REPULSIVE THAT SOMEONE WOULD WANT TO BEHAVE THIS WAY. I DISAGREE THAT HE ISN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW WOMEN REACT. IT ALWAYS TAKES 2. IF I WERE TO HAVE MET HIM, I WOULD'VE KNOWN WITHIN SECONDS THAT'S HE'S A PLAYER. I WONDER WHAT THE THEREAPISTS SAY IN REGARDS TO MEN BEHAVING IN THIS MANNER AS A MEANS OF OVERCOMPENSATION FOR BEING GAY. NO MATTER WHAT, I THINK IT'S INSECURITY & THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY FABULOUS WOMEN OUT THERE THAT WOULD GIVE THIS "HONEST JERK" THE TIME OF DAY.

Before you date, Google

Anita S, Orlando, FL. — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:15:00 GMT

I just read the article and watched the segment with Paul Janka. I think he is GROSS. Over 100 woman? UGH, he is not a 'casanova' or a 'serial seducer', lets just call him what he is really is. A s.l.u.t.
I hope he gets checked regularly for STD's.

Before you date, Google

DMBK, Finland — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:15:20 GMT

I just watched your web video on Paul Janka. I have met my share of guys like this. One just recently who was as smooth as silk...all to get me into bed (which didn't work). With that being said, this person (like Paul) was completely up front about his intentions. There were no false ideas. I think Paul has every right to date whom ever he wants...as long as he is up front with these woman about his intentions.

Before you date, Google

Lynn, DesMoines, IA — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:17:05 GMT

Dear Paul,
I was single during my twenties and thirties (only 40 now, but married and just had a baby last month)... anyhow... you are just like me and all my single friends... (we had such fun!!) out having a good time and being honest and truthful about our intentions! YOU ROCK!! Best of luck to you!

Before you date, Google

RJ, Connecticut — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:21:08 GMT

I have to comment after reflecting on Paul's comments of "not being responsible for anyone's feelings other than his own" and stating that he is "clearly upfront with these women" that I draw a conclusion that he is under heavy deception.

I believe Paul has been deceived by none other than the devil himself into thinking he's doing no harm to anyone (including himself).

He should search himself deeply to see if he is
a) afraid to trust women; or
b)if he's just trying to cover up a heartache; or
c) has an agenda to make money off a "How to" book. How can a person write a "how to" book without successfully accomplishing "something"? Is something called "deceiving women & self"?

As for the women he attracts - I'm pretty sure they are also under a deception of their own as mentioned by the doctor in this interview. These women (he finds) are vulnerably seeking their own fulfillment by compromising their feelings for the sake of companionship (in whatever form they can get it).

I hope Paul stops to think about all the self-absorbed people out there looking to "score" for the sake of meeting their own needs and quite possibly not being upfront with women as he "claims" to be. He will then be responsible for teaching others "how to" hurt another.

People can make up all types of excuses for their behavior - in the end it's merely an excuse for not living morally.

I hope Paul realizes the truth in that God clearly instructs us in the Bible that sexual relations were meant only for man & wife. People that think they can have "no strings attached" sex w/o forming an emotion to prevent being hurt or hurting another are seriously deceived.

I pray for Paul to hear the truth in this somehow and finds True fulfillment in Christ - as I have!

Before you date, Google

Ty G. Glastonbury, Connecticut — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:26:13 GMT

I think that what he is doing is what makes him; him. It is a shame that men who want to have a meaningful realtionship with a women gets scared by a young man like this. As a thirty two year old man I have had a date or two but being brought up by 3 women I have a respect for women. Maybe he just got hurt and feels he needs to be like this so he doesn't get destroyed himself.
I don't really know his story but I wish him true happiness. Think women thats all a true player he is not..

Before you date, Google

CiCi New London, CT — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:37:10 GMT

I am appalled that the Today Show wasted time on this animal. It scares me as a mother of 3 girls, that our society gives people like this an avenue to promote their sicknesses and make young minds believe that this is normal and acceptable behavior. What has happened to this country. !We promote the absurdity of the minority and force the majority to conform. It is time for the majority to say "this is enoug" I used to be in the dating scene and enjoyed the fun of meeting new people, however, I was never on a quest to hurt people nor did I ever give a second look at men who did. This man will write a book and make millions and be laughing all the way to the bank!!!!!

Before you date, Google

J.Hill — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:37:19 GMT

I think Paul was being completely honest and upfront with his dating history. I believe that if he was this honest with his girl friends or lovers then it was up to the girls to choose to stay or go with him. You make choices in life. He is not responsible if the girl chooses to fall in love with him. This is true with any new relationship. There are no guarantees. I think Meredith was a little harsh on him and maybe they should have had someone younger interview him.

Before you date, Google

Janet Covington — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:39:00 GMT

Excuse me but...this guy is nothing short of CREEPY LOOKING. Just because he is a self professed "Casanova" does not make him a hot sought after bachelor. A haircut and shave may help to some degree but he doesn't know how to smile and he's just NOT CUTE at all! Please...I can send you volumes of photographs of real players. This guy is a wanna be. He thinks by not shaving he is more desirable and sexy....gross.

Before you date, Google

Kayla, Kissimmee, Florida — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:41:40 GMT

Man this loser has some serious problems! I would never go out with someone like him! He looks like an unkept slimeball!

Before you date, Google

Tanya Guiboche, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:42:46 GMT

Todays single scene is scary, you don't know who your going to meet or like this casanova "single man" what your going to catch (sexually transmitted diseases" and I totally agree if the women is going to sleep with a man like this one hopefully they are in there right mind and not intoxicated or on other substances and yeah he is cute but there is more to looks that are skin deep like a personality and someone who is grounded and not someone who is out to get some variety obviously it's clear this man has some issues and very low self-esteem and I know for a fact he's not going to build it up by sleeping around with a variety of women it does not work like that, but I wish him luck.

Before you date, Google

C Schmidt, Boise, Idaho — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:47:24 GMT

To the women who hook up with Paul Janka: You're kidding yourself when you expect more. That's why they say wait as long as possible before sleeping with someone.
To Paul Janka: Stop making excuses about your behavior because "you see it in magazines." You're supposed to be a sentient being. Also, you're risking STDs. Even if you have a parachute, one day it might just not open. Lastly, you aren't setting the stage for a successful relationship as a husband and father, which you say you want. No woman should be expected to be perfect in every way and endlessly unique to satisfy you. And just remember, she would have to put up with the imperfect, not always exciting, being that you are, too. Learn to be a more disciplined human being capable of overcoming the need for instant gratification and quest for nonexistent perfection, or don't. get. married. AND. DON'T. HAVE. CHILDREN.

Before you date, Google

Ashley Shields, Oroville California — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:59:20 GMT

Mr. Janka’s mind seems to be centralized on the idea that men and women are tremendously different. We all have different wants and needs and though I do agree with Mr. Janka on the subject of being manipulated and maintaining integrity, I believe that stepping into a situation with goals set breach like principles implied in that same comment regarding “a woman’s agenda.” Stepping into companionship with goals like “I'm going to have sex with her tonight” is like choosing the book you would enjoy reading based on the ending. Setting these goals significantly decreases your ability to enjoy the other person. Who is going to care about what interests their date when their mind is flooded with hopes for physical stimulation? In my perspective it seems as though Mr. Janka needs to put some real thought into the type of woman he truly wants and does not want. A person would have to be blind not to spot the hypocrisy in complaining about the expectation of material goods while at the same time you set goals in pursuit of physical pleasure. As long as he is being honest and not intentionally taking advantage of his magnetic nature i don't see the harm.

Before you date, Google

Paul = predator, Frederick, Maryland — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:08:32 GMT

I didn't get the complete sense that he walks up to women saying - All I want is sex from you.

I got the sense that women are a game and the opportunity to have sex is all that he is concerned about and if he can seduce them into it and "win" that is all that matters. If some dude was that up front then great I can say no. But I just don't feel that is his total game. 2 years or 6 months isn't really that long for a relationship. It's like he is actually "proud" of his "I'm a big boy" accomplishment to stay with one woman for short a time. It's one thing to play "house" and "think" you can do this and there's another in truly succeeding and being able to to actually understand and live a relationship and it's dynamics. And people wonder why women are opting for being single mom's by choice these days. Quality vs. quantity in men...there's waaaayyyy less quality in 2007...

Before you date, Google

Kevin D, Bahamas — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:12:08 GMT

I completely understand his way of life and what goes on. However he has to be very selective and conscious of those women that are fragile and may misinterpret the situation or his intentions. I have friends that have been down that road and have left some women emotionally and mentally shattered.

Before you date, Google

Mike Pennsylvania — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:16:28 GMT

I agree with Meredith, this guy is just a creep. I doubt a woman with any self-esteem would be attracted to him. My daughter was seduced by a similiar jerk when she was 20, he was 40. Generally this type of guy will tell a woman anything to get in her pants. Then he can brag to his shallow friends

Before you date, Google

Dyana Lody, Corryton, Tenn. — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:19:05 GMT

I am the female version of Paul. I love men and I always have. I do not evaluate every man's "husband potential." I also don't try to change a man...why would I want to change someone that I find attractive on their own? I go out and I have fun. There is no hidden agenda or campaign for marriage. Now alot of guys seem to have a problem with me for not "waiting by the phone" or having my own life but that's ok. I never promise anything. Men are here to be enjoyed...it is that simple. Know what you want and what you DON'T want. I just wish Paul would have smiled a little...I'm always smiling!!

Before you date, Google

Dan DeCoursey; Prairie Village, Ks — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:28:14 GMT

Give me a break Meredith! I'm sure you're one of the many millions of women that watch "Sex in the City" and somehow justify all within that show?? You just interviewed a male version of "Sex in the City" and he's creepy?? Seems like ordinary hypocritical femminism to me. And come on Matt...."man up sometime!"

Before you date, Google

MICHELLE GREEN ROCHESTER NY — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:30:36 GMT

THE PROBLEM WITH WOMEN TODAY IS THAT THEY TRY TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES, INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO WHAT THE GUY IS TRULYL SAYING. WHEN HE SAY'S LETS HOOK UP TONIGHT, THAT DOESNT MEAN LETS GET MARRIED OR WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW, OR EVEN LATER ON IN THE WEEK. HOOKING UP WITH A GUY MEANS JUST THAT! IF YOUR NOT WITH IT THEN HES NOT THE GUY FOR YOU. MOVE ON.

Before you date, Google

JP Rural Wisconsin — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:58:13 GMT

Okay, geez...you guys brought the good looking man back to give him more abuse! Sheesh. What was the stuff about his parents being divorced? My son grew up with divorced parents and he is happily married at 30, moreover, his dad and new wife and I are all very close sharing holidays,etc. Divorce has nothing to do with the choices this young man is making. And they are just that, choices. I doubt he'll sleep around for the rest of his life!

I wrote earlier this morning to you about living in NYC in the 70s when men and women were expressing themselves freely with sex...it was a phase of youth. I see this guy as no different. Women choose freely to have sex with a partner, just like men do...if they feel remorse, it's because they weren't honest with themselves about their motives going into it. If a man or woman want a sexual partner for a brief interlude and are open with each other, so what? This is a very handsome guy who is enjoying honest sexual relationships from what I'm hearing. Cut him some slack...I felt badly for him during Meredith's opinionated interrogation, but the follow up was not very nice either. And I found very little credibility with that therapist..she leaped to some HUGE conclusions with little evidence. I wish Paul good luck with his writing...ah, if I were younger and still in NYC! :)

Before you date, Google

Juniper, Redondo Beach, CA — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 18:07:51 GMT

Thats what you get for meeting people in bars.

Before you date, Google

Sallie, Houston, Texas — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 18:08:21 GMT

I pretty much agree with Michelle (comment above). Paul is doing what he wants and says he's up front. If he is, then no one should be mislead. I think too many women think by having sex on the spot they can eventually create a relationship - which almost never happens. Lots of women who just use the hookup for all it is - just a hookup. I'd say just be sure you understand it should create zero expectations about anything outside the bedroom. If you want a relationship, you have to create it with a willing participant.

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Chadro, Denver, Co. — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 18:08:52 GMT

Seems pretty selfish to me. I seems to me he is just out for his carnal conquests and doesn't care if he hurts someone in the process. Maybe it will come back on him someday if he has the emotional ability to even feel something for someone. I guess I'm kind of an idealist in that I would rather have feelings for a lady instead of being a male whore.

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Susan — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 18:24:56 GMT

I agree we are all responsible for our feelings and our actions. Since when do adult women need someone to "care for their feelings", as if they were children. Everyone I know has had a rough childhood.......so what??? We live in a culture which supports blaming others, being pissed off at men for acting like men.....and God forbid they should be honest about it!!! People need to HEAR what he is saying. He is honest, he is upfront, and although I do not necessarily want to sleep around myself, I totally agree every adult woman he sleeps with knows the score,even if they chose NOT to believe it, or come up with some fantasy in their head. Unless someone is mentally disabled, and I did not hear he slept with anyone who fit that description, all these women CHOSE of their own accord.It took me along time to accept total responsibility for my life choices. We all choose.................end of story!!
Susan

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DVD, Marina del Rey, CA — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 18:48:04 GMT

I think that Paul Janka represents almost all young single men, looking, not for a relationship, but exploring life with different types of women. As a married, 40-something female, I think he has every right to do this. As long as he's honest with these women and goes about the "date" with clear intentions. I believe this happens more often than not and people just don't want to admit it! Also, as long as there are no false pretenses and his "dates" are willing, and safely conduct themselves, who's business is it?

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Anne, Boardman, Ohio — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 18:52:31 GMT

He's just a "boy toy!"

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Charlotte, Texas — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 18:59:16 GMT

Finally it is such a relief for a man to be upfront and honest.....perhaps when the time is right, he will find the "right" woman for him. You cannot tell unless you go out. Why not let him enjoy his life as he sees fit? It does not make him a pervert. I hope that Paul does not take the doctors opinion to heart. However, seldom does a woman not go into dating or a so called "meeting" without the hopes of a commitment. If she gets her feelings hurt, then why would she not be seen as a woman trying to use sex to manipulate the situation in her favor?

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Becky Sharp, Seattle, WA — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 19:04:35 GMT

I read Janka's "dating themes" on the other page. Pathetic. If you truly want to read a book about seduction, check out The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. Janka, have you ever seen the film, Alfie?

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Barbie, Bend, OR — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 19:09:27 GMT

About Paul, "the Casanova" he seems like a normal guy to me. Single, young, nice looking, and looking to meet people (women) and have fun. I feel that a man can be straight with a woman, tell her he is just having fun and not wanting a serious relationship, but 9 out of 10 women will read betwen those lines and hear what they want to hear. When the fun ends and they are left empty handed, with no ring or proposal, they feel "used" or "lied to". Actually, they just didn't listen to what they were being told. I agree men can be jerks when it comes to love and sex, but women - come on...you've got to listen and see what is going on around you and trust in yourself. If your prince charming comes along, consider yourself lucky. Otherwise, enjoy the ride and don't get so serious! Paul...I don't see that you have done anything wrong.

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Tim, Manassas, VA — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 19:16:18 GMT

If Paul wasnt up fron with the women he is dating.,..how could he go on television about the way he dates? It would only lead him to having no dates ,..so he must be unpfront.

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janice, CA — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 19:26:13 GMT

He doesn't seem that slick to me. He doesn't come off on the show as being able to sweep girls off their feet. Pretty awkward guy and no Cassannova.

Before you date, Google

Female, Valencia, CA — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 19:45:12 GMT

I've watched the segment, twice and nothing therein indicated that Paul actually says to the ladies he entices, "hey, I think you're cute, wanna shag?". That's actually speaking up that all you want is sex, nothing more. This speaks all too loudly of the men who believe that if they buy you a drink or a meal, they have a right to get sex or kisses. It is supposed to be the "understood" that if you buy me a drink, I should mentally plan on shagging, kissing or whatever and should feel guilty not giving in, because you bought me a meal. It's fair to say 85% of the men I've gone out with had that attitude. Some are "very sweet" until the end when you give them a "thank you I had a good time" kiss, which they usually try to extend and you decline. Also, like the multitude who just want to stop over "to see you". I'm not being funny, but in my culture, (non-Am), if someone is stopping over to see you it's for tea and conversation. In this country it's a bootie call even if you lay it out there, that you're not up for sex, but would appreciate the company briefly---cause he'd like to see you and want some company, you know---they won't accept this "NO" when they come and they won't call again whether or not they get some. This Paul is representative of the "game" most men run and it further destroys women, from whence they came. Some of the ladies he's met were looking for a husband, committed relationship etc and I don't believe he actually says, hey, this is a one-night stand or hey, I'm dating 99 others, or etc., before the act. Personally, if all I want is sex, I'll say so upfront and I'll respectfully communicate the next day and reaffirm it was a one-shot deal, thanks.... Most men, including "players" are stunned and will keep in touch, if even to find out why I only wanted it once. "There's absolutely no reason why we're not f-ing" is a constant "note" in all these situations. I'm 35, ready for my husband and family and I ask the questions upfront. Ladies be empowered to ask upfront what their intentions are. If you're up for what they're up for, great for both. Do what you can to not be the one expecting the call or calling the next day...oh and be sure to ask the health questions. 70-90% have HSV and only 40% have outbreaks! Condoms are not enough to protect from this.

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Luis.... Austin, TX — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 19:50:46 GMT

Only 100??

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Sultan Shakir, West Palm Beach, FL — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 20:00:42 GMT

I saw the segment and I used to feel the same way before I realized and accepted the fact that we will all have to answer to our Creator for our actions. We are not created without purpose and to do whatever we feel is right in our hearts. May Allah guide us all to do the deeds which are pleasing to him. Peace.

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Adrienne, New York, NY — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 20:04:44 GMT

Someone I know hooked up with Paul just last week. I can tell you that she does not feel at all betrayed or misled by him - he was up front about who he is and they had a great time. Not all women are looking for a husband - some of us just want to have fun and see what happens.

In a city like New York, where men are very rarely honest with women about their intentions or conquests, I think it's refreshing to see a guy who isn't playing that game.

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Joe, Jax, FL — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 21:19:05 GMT

It takes one to know one...Paul is a sex addict. The doctor called him out! He may not realize it now but eventually it the stuff will hit the fan. Hopefully, he will acknowledge his problem and do something about it before he gets involved in a committed relationship, otherwise he will continually fail at true intimacy thus failing the relationship.
Paul should know that he is not alone. Sex addiction is an epidemic that crosses social, financial, ethnic and gender boundries. Paul makes a very good point about the fact that the world is being hyper-marketed with sexual images and instant gradification. I can tell you from personal experience that the pain and emotional hurt that is a result of sex addiction is not sexy nor gradifying.
Real men do not behave like Paul.

Before you date, Google

Edmund Wiseman — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 22:27:54 GMT

Reading some of these comments reminds of the dark ages, but I loved a few comments, thank you Melly.

Who the heck cares really, he is being up front, or what does it really matter if there is some emotional issue, or trust issues, of if he gets more sex opportunities than some guys, it has nothing to do with my life experience, I got enough problems of my own making, and I think this article says more about the emotional and level of the interviewer than him.

I think Paul is onto something there, where if you want to really get to know a guy get the sex out of the way. Maybe on the first date have the man over, get it out of the way for mechanical reasons, then the slate is clean, enjoy your movie of supper out afterwards. Besides, anyone over 25 knows the sex is not always the best the first time.

Men are much smarter as Paul infers than women realize, and it is not the men like Paul women should be worried about, it is the ones who are smart enough to know they don't need to tell the truth, most guys knows what turns a woman's crank, women are not that complicated you know, bullshit has always baffled brains.

As a male I am tired of the status quo actually, single, don't date, maybe a little more crap than the next guy but overall I am a good guy, but in fact I wear a wedding ring to ensure that I do not feel the need to act like the carousing male when out socially, and the need to fulfill the expectations of the women in view. And for me that is what it is all about, women just really have many expectations of guys in recent years, and get scared when a guy is not acting normally and ingratiating his own needs for hers

Guys like Paul, and myself, have started to say, look this is my life experience, if you want to have sex or spend time with me these are my terms, and I might be able to sneak your in somewhere, and you don't like those terms go find some other guy to date or have sex with.

Isn't that what women have been increasingly pushing for, honesty, mutual contract, respect? And when women start getting that, they change your expectations again, of please give us guys a break will ya? Maybe women need to have a meeting to get some sort of consensus on what they want, cause men are catching on fast what works for them, I would say men are in a way raising their emotional IQ. Thank you womens movement for liberating the male of the species, would could not have done it without you.

Before you date, Google

Annie, San Diego, CA. — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 02:58:07 GMT

TO ALL THOSE THAT THINK THAT HE IS A HONEST GUY!!!
He is a predator and a liar ! Read this!

From Paul Janka's "Getting Laid in NYC: Technology for the Single Man"
http://blog.juliaallison.com/Images/Paul%20Janka%20-%20Getting%20Laid%20in%20NYC.pdf

"Tell the bartender how it is - she works for you for the 2 hours or so you’ll be
there. I tell them I don’t drink but that I am meeting a lady, and that I don’t want her to
feel uncomfortable so could they please bring me seltzer waters, in a high-ball glass, with
a lime. And call it a Tom Collins. Or a Gin and Tonic if you prefer. Never leave your
drink, and don’t let the girl sip it – she will freak out, I guarantee you. If you go to the
bathroom, take it with you. When done, take both her glass and yours to the bar and give
them to the bartender. Also, I find that drinking 2 or 3 seltzers on top of the meal I ate an
hour before (solo or with a buddy) can be a challenge; I usually tell the bartender to make
mine almost entirely ice; hers, little ice and stiff."

What a ..... !!