http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspxThis morning at 8:09, Ann Curry interviewed Leslie Bennetts, a writer for Vanity Fair and the author of "The Feminine Mistake" (READ AN EXCERPT HERE). Ms. Bennetts argues that the generation of women currently in their 20s and 30s has rejected the pathen-USCommunityServer 2.0 (Build: 60608.1)http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110020Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:01:14 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110020Lisha Folsom, South Ogden, UtahI am lucky and blessed to be able to stay at home with my 1 year old son. Sure there are frustrating days but that happens in the corporate world as well. I actually work a few hours a day in my home on the computer too, and it has been great to learn more, and feel like this is a part outside of motherhood that is mine. I have a Bachelor’s degree that I earned right before having my first child. I say first, because I am happy and excited to have more and to stay home with them. I believe in being educated, even beyond the degree that I have. Granted, I doubt that I will go back for a Masters, but not because of a domineering husband or children who “chain me down.” I don’t really want a Masters degree, and I don’t really want a career outside of the home. And as far as taking care of myself and my children if something were to happen to my husband, he would be the first to tell you that I probably think about that more than I need to, but I believe in being prepared. My husband is a great provider for our family, and believe it or not, we do not live in poverty. (And the fact that we do not live in poverty is not due to my meager $500/month income.) We are not at the top of the totem pole, but I would much rather be in my shoes caring for my little boy as he toddles around the house and makes all sorts of fun new sounds than in the shoes of Ms. Bennetts as she walks the corporate halls of America. I say to each his (or her) own. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110030Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:08:34 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110030Regenia Agee, Troy, ILI am proud to say I am a stay-at-home mother of 3 little boys, my husband and I feel fortunate that we were able to make the decision as many American family do not have a choice in this matter. It made me angry to hear someone on T.V. saying I have made a terrible finacial mistake by staying home with my children and dismissing real concerns about childcare issues as silly and not real. I am certainly not against the decision for mothers to work, I believe it is every family's personal decision. We all need to just respect each family's decision. The authors reason for women to work instead of staying home was due to the "possibility" of divorce or the husbands loss of job. Many things in life are uncertain and can change at any minute. I choose to live my life in the now and not in the "what if's." Thank you, Regenia Agee Troy, ILhttp://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110045Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:22:41 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110045Kristi, WashingtonI completely disagree with this woman. I am 8 months pregnant right now and I am planning on staying home with my baby for the first year while I finish school. I do want a career of my own. I don't think this woman has children or a husband. Childcare for an 8 week old infant is a terrifying thought. The thing that I am most concerned about is the well being of my baby. Will they keep my baby in a car seat of bouncer all day? I will never know this because my baby cannot tell me this. I think it's a great idea for women to stay home with babies for a short time until they are ready for child care. Child care for infants is so expensive that working sometimes would be pointless. I think employers still hire women with children who have stayed home. I was little offended by this lady today and her one sided views on this topic. Thank you, Kristihttp://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110055Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:30:04 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110055Karen Manser, Seattle WAShe is absolutely right. I am 45 and my parents taught me to always be able to care for myself and never to depend on a man. Wow, were they right. Marriages these days usually do not last as men seem to like to shop around. Many women simply live in that kind of relationship in denial because they are stuck without their own money. Independance is incredibly impowering. I feel secure in the fact that I won't be poor when I am older. More women should stand up and take care of themselves! http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110056Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:30:09 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110056Gwen FreemanI can't believe anyone would drink the kool-aid this woman is serving. I have stayed home very happily with our two sons for close to nine years. I have done this with the help and sacrifice of my husband and friend. I have kept my foot in the door working weekends only for 6 of these years and have positioned myself to return to the work force on a larger scale this fall. Learning to live within your means and not let your ego dictate your decisions is an important factor for success in this area. Women should not have children if they are driven to have a career. Be awesome at one or the other. How spoiled are we as a society that we don't want to sacrifice either one. I feel that our investment in the well being/well adjustment of our kids will leave a profound legacy that will go for generations. The greatest generation came from moms who nurtured directly and daily. Truthfully, I would rather be in poverty than abandon my post here. It's a shame when people spin their personal saga's into feminist hype, that is why individual therapy was invented.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110060Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:31:55 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110060Morgan Tiar, Reno, NVI am in awe that someone would be so against the opportunity to stay home with your children. My husband and I researched quite a bit about the financial predicaments that we could encounter before our daughter was born and even before she was, we put every single paycheck that I made into savings. Taking into account the cost of daycare vs. my income, it was very reasonable for us to take this opportunity for our daughter. I went back to work after she was born and the day that I decided to stay home, was the best decision that I ever made. I have since gone back to work in a completely different field into a part time position. There was no discrimination to my being a parent. My daughter still only spends 5 hours a week with a babysitter. We believe that our daughter has thrived in her home environment. She is very advanced, talks very well for her age, and is a social butterfly! I think it is great that my generation is taking advantage of staying at home with their children. I also admire women who want to continue with their careers. I find that I have been most successful in my career as a parent.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110061Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:32:41 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110061Christine Talent, Lake View Terrace CAStaying home with your child is the best thing you can do for your child. Yes it is harder to go back into the work force. Thats why it is important to keep updated on anything new relating to your previous career. Yes, raising children is a career. You are tending the next generation, not passing them off to someone else to impose thier ethics and values. That is what is wrong with this country today. It is very easy to dump your problems/kids on someone else. I believe a lot of the problems with kids today is that they have very little respect for thier parents because they were never there when they were small. An hour in the morning and before bed is NOT parenting. It is the The Feminine Mistake not to PLAN and PREPARE when you stay home to raise your children. Take classes, read and keep abreast of any changes in the industry you came from. This book is poison if it stands to question if money should be more important than raising your own child.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110066Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:33:58 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110066Jennifer Stevens, Lake Suzy, FloridaI am fortunate to stay at home with my two year old daughter. Before I had my daughter, my husband and I discussed if we were ready to have a child, if I would be staying home with her, and what it might mean if I did. We discussed not only the immediate effect of the loss of my income, but how long I wanted to stay home and what I would need to do to get back in the workforce if and when I desired. Finance is only one part of raising a child, once we were certain we could provide for her if I stayed home; we moved on to other benefits and detriments of my staying home. In the end, I chose to stay home with my daughter. I will grant that anything can happen. He might die, lose his job, or decide I'm no longer the girl for him. However, two income families have just as much trouble when they split up or have an unexpected drop in income. Indeed, in a world where stay-at-home moms are the minority, when we hear about bankruptcy and forclosure on homes, it is usually two income families we hear about. Many women worked had for the choice to work. It is now a woman's right to work if she chooses. Whether a mother works or stays home should be her choice. I respect a working mother's choice to work and provide for herself and her family, it is a hard thing. A working mother does what she feels she should for her children. All I ask is that a working woman in turn respects my choice to stay at home with my child and raise her as I feel I should.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110074Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:36:30 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110074Jocelyn Wadsworth, Lewiston, IDThere is no "Feminine Mistake", rather, there is an "American Mistake". Other countries, especially European countries, have this one right. They allow there working women, and men in some cases, to stay home for one year with their new babies, while still getting paid a big portion of their salary. Plus they have a job to come right back to. A year means a lot to a mother. It means she can breast feed and bond with her little one without giving up the security of a job and career. American has this wrong Leslie Bennetts, not stay at home mothers! http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110075Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:36:49 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110075Michelle McCracken Aberdeen,WAWhy is it now a "mistake" to stay home with our children? I refuse to buy into the notion that we should all put our children in daycare for 40 hrs/week "just in case" something should happen to my husband. My daughter is here and now and I am going to take these few precious years that I have now rather than be apart from her. What about the risks of putting our children in daycare all week. There was a study done on this very topic last week. So quit telling us what we are doing is wrong and realize that everybody needs to do what is right for their family. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110080Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:39:43 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110080Stacey Minor, New Braunfels, TXI resigned from the career world 10 years ago. As a mom, I've worked FT, PT, and now (where I'm happy) for myself as an entrepreneur who works from home. Mothers who choose to stay home do not choose this for financial gain. We have but a short time to raise our children. We have a lifetime to grow a career and earn status & money. I am blessed enough to take some time off from the career world & give 100% to my family and I feel it's a much better use of my time. I can always return to the working world (even if with lower pay); I can never return to raising my children as time does not stand still. So no, stay-home moms may not be as wealthy as career moms. Then again, sometimes money isn't what is most valuable in life.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110084Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:42:32 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110084Angela Baiamonte, Palo Alto, CAI think it is terrible that this Author was implying that if you quit working in the corporate world to take care of the MOST important thing in the world, that you will be doing a disservice to your children! She was hiding behind her "statistics and research" to prove her personal point. There are many other ways to ensure your financial security, then working FT while you have children. Apparently, she forgot to check out all the "statistics" of what happens when there are no parents at home to raise the children. I would rather take the risk of being a single parent in the future, than the surety of someone else raising my children now! I almost got the impression that she thought children were a burden and woman should not be bothered, since woman as a whole have worked so hard to become a force in the workplace. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110112Tue, 03 Apr 2007 16:02:36 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110112Lori, Leedey, OKI see both sides of this story. When my Daughter was 2 I got a divorce from my first husband and I could not support the two of us, I had no college degree. I was forced to move back in with my parents. I went back to school and in the middle of that I got remarried. I am now a teacher. I think the other side of this is, what if something happened to your husband and he could no longer work or even worse died, could you as a stay at home mom have what it takes to bring home the bacon. Being a teacher allows me to be home a lot with my kids ( I now have two) and I also know that if I had too I could support my family.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110122Tue, 03 Apr 2007 16:11:06 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110122Meredith Janik, Damascus, MDFATAL FEMININE MISTAKE! Ms. Bennet does not make a suggestions as she implies, but a warning. Here is the problem with Ms.Bennet's book and thesis. There always seems to be a dramatic, cosmic decision that women must make in their lives according to her book and Ms. Hircshorn's book profiled a few months ago. If one stays at home- the sacrifice everything. If one goes to work-they make the "brave new decision". Well, like Ms. Bennet, my mother also worked. She tried to do both (work and be an attentive Mom), but truth be told she didn't have the energy to do both. So she made a decision. She would work. And work. And in the process, like Ms. Bennett's Mom, we were left to fend for ourselves albeit with nannies. Many of us "latch-key, Nanny only" children of the 80s, feel just as strongly about the "absence" of our mothers as Ms. Bennet's mother. Furthermore, I am sure many of us are keeping our Mom's choices in mind when deciding to take off or stay home. The problem with today's feminism is that instead of advancing the rights of women, they are molding the role of women to the preferences of the few writers who themselves have made the choice to work. Again in society, a few are chosing for the many what is "appropriate" and what is not. In our already workaholic society, these writers are pressuring women to do what they did-give up any "freedom" to raise their kids the way they want to, to conform to their "Feminine Mystique". It's dangerous. It's Fatal. It will actually end feminism as we know it and create an "authoritarian view" of what women should do. Her views on the role of women box women in. This book proves that you have to save women and their right to freedoms and to chose their own desitiny, not from men, or society, but from those few who force their authoritarian views over others.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110128Tue, 03 Apr 2007 16:15:13 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110128Amanda Lawrence,Kingman,ArizonaI feel extremly lucky to be at home with both of our children, but as I watched the interview I feel a kinda resentment coming from Ms.Bennett. It is unfortunate for any family set backs. That is why no mother on any income level should stop education. Online, community collage or just staying ontop of basic computer skills is a bennifit to herself and the household. These few Tender years of any childs raising (in my eyes) should be done by the mother.I Know our society would be a better place with moms back at home Watching there oun children and not a stranger. Husbands are happerier with a tiedy house and the newest recipe from Giada warm and waiting for them. Divorce in our county would go down. Dont live beyound your families means by keeping up with the Jones and always pay yourself first. The .50 cents you normaly let your kids get gum with PUT IT IN THE BANK!!!http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110133Tue, 03 Apr 2007 16:20:44 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110133nikki adkins winston salem,ncI can not belive after all these years women are still fighting over this issue.I am a stay at home mon. I think we all need to stop judging each other and start helping each other. There are reasons why each of us do what we do that is the best thing about being human. Here's a question even if you are working and youe husband happen to die or leave you what will you do? You would still have to survive and move on. So why should me go around hoarding money in order to stay safe. Where is the trust. Some women have great husbands. So we all need to just teach our girls how to be confident in their choices and we need to teach our sons how to love their wives.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110148Tue, 03 Apr 2007 16:28:56 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110148Karen Friendswood, TexasI was so appauled by this interview this morning. I stayed at home with my children who are now 19 and 21. My first born son was in daycare for the first 6 months of his life, he was riddled with ear infections and even has some hearing loss due to the infections. I picked him up from daycare on day and found them propping a bottle up, this caused the fluid to fill the ear tubes and cause the infections. That was the last time he was in daycare as a child. I never regret being a stay at home mom, we are truly blessed by these wonderful children whom I am very close to. I have now started my career at the age of 45 although I did work parttime while they were in school. I wish the Today show would have had some input from the other side, it was a very one sided interview.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110187Tue, 03 Apr 2007 16:53:11 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110187DH, NebraskaI am 45 and didn't get married until I was 37. My mother was a stay at home mom until I was in elementary school, then started working. I too see both sides. I have no children and have worked all of my life, not expecting a man to ever support me, which is something SO many women my age and older have been brought up to believe. Wake up ladies, you need to have your own income/savings!! You never know how life is going to go, so you'd better be prepared for the worst-case scenario. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110201Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:00:51 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110201Amy Hall, Portland, ORI think anyone reading the previous posts will appreciate how smart, savvy, and thoughtful the women are that are staying home with their young children. I find it interesting and would like to point out that in the last two weeks or so the TODAY show has done stories both on a study that suggests that kids put in long hours of daycare have some behavioral problems in grade school and on a job placement agency specifically for moms that is growing by leaps and bounds with its great success. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110223Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:18:36 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110223Pat Atkinson, Mount Kisco, N. Y.I have worked most of my son's life, he is now a senior in high school, yes I missed somethings in his life, as did his father, who worked the 3-11 shift, and I was a 9-5. But, now I am work 9-3, have the afternoons to talk with my son if he is around, and to do projects. Financially there is no right way or wrong way, each family must decide the merits of the situation on their own. But, coming from a stay at home family to being a working mother, I have to admit that I still can't figure out how my mother did it with nine children, and I am complaining with just one. God Bless all mothers http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110229Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:24:27 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110229angela s, charleston, SCi think ms bennetts did a very good job of reminding women of the facts. my mother was left by my father with two kids ages 5 and 1. thank god she had a teaching degree and only had been at home those 5 years and was able to start teaching again (still with a huge drop in income- we lived in near poverty-- male teachers at her school were paid more in 1980 because "they had families to support"). it is wonderful to be able to stay at home (the majority of american mothers have to work not choose to work) but before you do make sure you have worked in a field it's easy to stay current in; make sure your husband has life and disability insurance and that you are saving in case of a layoff etc; i think these are reasonable concerns. in my field (physician) i can't "take off" and re-enter as a surgeon- if i haven't been performing surgery and delivering babies for even one to two years no hospital would give me privileges. so her point about it being more difficult to re-enter your field is very valid also. i will be reading this book.anyone interested in her family's financial future- including her children's - should be armed with facts and not just feelings if they have the luxury of deciding to stay home or not.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110243Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:37:01 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110243Aimee, Broomfield, COThe view must be pretty good from atop that pedestal that a certain amount of fame and what is most certainly a rather large paycheck has provided for her. Mothers in this country are attacked on a regular basis from every angle, i.e. breastfeeding, daycare, discipline, working, and the list goes on. People like Miss Bennetts only further the problem. Her world provides her a vast array of resources that the average woman simply does not have. Miss Bennetts undoubtedly had the time and financial ability to search high and low for the perfect nanny for her children, someone trustworthy with years of experience and excellent credentials. This is probably true for a large group of women, but then there are the rest of us. She said in her interview that women just need to “do the math”. Well that is precisely what my husband and I did. The cost of daycare for one child would have come out to about two-thirds of my paycheck. So I was essentially paying someone almost everything I made to miss out on at least 40 hours a week during a very important part of my daughters life. Then there is the issue of finding good quality daycare. This is not something to be taken lightly. It is, as it should be, a valid concern for any and all parents. Miss Bennetts says to just find someone you’re comfortable with. Well, if it were that easy, she wouldn’t have anything to talk about. The media should be held accountable for some things, but reporting on issues and problems with daycare providers is not one of them. If you’re not lucky enough to have a family member or good friend to help you with daycare, than you have to look at daycare facilities, and that can be a little scary. The fast food daycare chains can’t afford to pay for quality people, because parents can’t afford to pay them. So you end up with uneducated, inexperienced minors, who are more concerned with who’s buying their beer that night than your child’s well-being. So I’d like Miss Bennetts to explain the math to me as to how this is a better option than staying home with my daughter. The decision to go back to work or stay home is a very difficult one for many women. If you stay home, people like Miss Bennetts think of you as lazy, a quitter, even stupid. In these people’s eyes, stay at home mothers are not valued members of society. If you go back to work, you are frowned upon by co-workers and superiors because you have to leave at 6 to pick up your child from daycare. It is a vicious circle where no matter what you do, someone thinks you’re wrong, lazy or stupid. We’re all wrong at some point, but lazy and stupid are not synonymous with stay at home moms Miss Bennetts. Any mother worth her salt struggles daily if she’s making the right decisions for her children. We don’t need unwarranted criticism of the over-privileged from their well-cushioned pedestals. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110253Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:47:04 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110253MelissaI saw the segment this morning and it just enraged me. To state that mothers are taking "high risks" to stay at home and be with their children is an outrage. I am educated and I know it's a privledge to stay at home. I did my homework and looked into the cost/benefit of staying home vs. working. I asked my employer if I could return to work part time, however my request was denied. I decided that was a deal breaker for me. I refused to be away from my girls for 40-50 hours a week and be raised by someone else. Some things that cannot be easily measured. I believe my choice will help to raise two self-assured, intelligent, compassionate women. I am thankful that the feminist movement has given me the opportunity to make a CHOICE. Because at the end of the day, that is what it amounts to---PERSONAL CHOICE! Instead of enciting "stay-at-home" moms and "working-outside the home" moms to fight on this topic, the author would have done more good if she examined social policies in our country regarding this topic. We need to lobby employers to see the benefit of flextime, telecommuting and part-time employment for mothers. Several other countries --Sweden and Canada for example -- already see the need for flexible opportunities in the workfoce. It's time our country does the same. On a personal note ... I would like to know: Is the author married and/or a mother herself? I have to say, it's hard to comment on something if you haven't "walked a mile" in our shoes. Additionally, the author goes on to state during her interview that the media glorifies unflattering reports about day care. Come on! Let's remind ourselves that the author is a writer for VANITY FAIR-another product of the liberal media! She's pushing her agenda. (Now, let's see if this gets posted!) http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110258Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:49:13 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110258Elizabeth, Salt Lake City, UtahI say, if you can stay at home and if it's something that you want, go for it. It's not like you're going to be a stay at home mom all your life. Once children are in elementary school one can start working again, that empty nest will push you out the door anyway. I know life isn't always roses but if I would always be thinking about "the worst-case scenario" I would be one very sad person. If anything where to happen I wouldn't be the first mom to overcome a "worst-case scenario". The world would be a very boring place if we all thought the same. Power to all the working moms and stay at home moms, after all we only want what's best for our children.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110263Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:50:52 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110263Melissa Haas, IllinoisBRAVO, Meredith Janik!!!!!!http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110264Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:50:57 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110264Christa S-H, Philadelphia, PAWhile I always tend to support dialogue concerning motherhood, this new book is really angering me! I ask Ms. Bennetts - are you ultimately proposing that women should just STOP HAVING CHILDREN?? What the heck do you want from mothers then? Bear children just to have other women (those in the childcare workforce, I presume) to raise them? We should be focusing more on the ageism, sexism, motherism, etc that is found in the workforce for mothers who choose to go back to work after raising their children rather than ostracizing mothers for electing to raise loving, moral human beings. I also have a few words for her concerning us "ladies in distress" who depend on our husbands so much - guess what? Some of us are actually in loving, committed marriages where our husbands have ALWAYS wanted us to stay at home to raise their sons and daughters. For those women who married the wrong guys and end in divorce, that's on their shoulders. Too many people aren't marrying for the right reasons and the divorce rate is proof of that. Secondly, for the tragic endings of marriages (I know about that since my dad dropped dead at 45) - that's what life insurance is for! And last, in the cases that life insurance wasn't bought or a husband looses his job, that's what life is about - dealing with the gifts as well as the struggles. If that should befall a family, then you deal with it should the time come. I am a 30 year old mother of two boys with a Master's degree in Education from the University of Pennsylvania. And I am a proud stay-at-home mom. Someday I will go back to work teaching or maybe I'll start my own home-based business. Or I'll just continue to go on cooking, cleaning, loving and learning alongside my kids and husband. We are an incredible family and I'd like to think that I, as their mother and wife, have something to do with that because I'm HERE.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110268Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:54:49 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110268Virginia Calvelage, Ft. Jennings, OhioAs a mother of four ages ranging from 16 years to 10 months, I am proud to be able to call myself a stay at home mom. 14 years ago when my 16 year old was a toddler her father and I got divorced and I had to go to work. Four years later I remarried and had three more children. Now I stay home, and feel truly blessed that I am able to do that. Having said that I do understand what the author means when she talks about financial freedom, however, I take offense at the fact that Leslie Bennetts feels that stay at home moms and their partners are not smart enough to take into consideration such factors as death, disability, or divorce. Over the years I have kept in touch with my former work contacts and have told them that when my 10 month old goes to kindergarten, I will want to return to work part-time. I know several women who are working mothers and they don't have anymore financial freedom than I do. But as someone who has lived both sides of this equation, I think calling it a "mistake" to stay home flies in the face of what true feminism is, the right to chose your own path through life without any regrets.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110284Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:06:31 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110284Joanne Ingram, Sarasota,FlMs. Bennett claims the media has frightened mothers away from daycare. Is she not using the media to frighten us back to the daycare system? I am also a stay home mom after a 20 year career as an RN. I do have an advantage of a career i could step back into at anytime. My husband and I as mant other couples have worked out plan for our finances,etc. if i were ever left alone to care for my son. I agree with an "American Mistake" that as a country we have alot to learn from European plans that support families bonding in those ever so important early years. Our single moms here in the U.S. deserve this bonding time as just as much. We need to support and vote for these issues in our upcoming elections in order to start making some changes to protect our future. Ms. Bennett......the women staying home are a very intelligent, informed and educated group....whom i don't think will be buying your book.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110289Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:08:40 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110289Joanne Ingram, Sarasota,FlMs. Bennett claims the media has frightened mothers away from daycare. Is she not using the media to frighten us back to the daycare system? I am also a stay home mom after a 20 year career as an RN. I do have an advantage of a career i could step back into at anytime. My husband and I as mant other couples have worked out plan for our finances,etc. if i were ever left alone to care for my son. I agree with an "American Mistake" that as a country we have alot to learn from European plans that support families bonding in those ever so important early years. Our single moms here in the U.S. deserve this bonding time as just as much. We need to support and vote for these issues in our upcoming elections in order to start making some changes to protect our future. Ms. Bennett......the women staying home are a very intelligent, informed and educated group....whom i don't think will be buying your book.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110290Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:09:20 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110290Courtney, Chico, CAI was shocked, appaled, and very disappointed in "The Feminine Mistake" segment this morning. When did our country become so diluted into believing that staying home to raise your child is now a MISTAKE and now considered detrimental to your family unit, your own wellbeing, and the wellbeing of your children? This woman's "research" and statistics are clearly one-sided. Who's right is it to place a stereotype on women who stay at home and classify us as unhappy, depressed, unprepared, and codependent? I happen to feel priveleged enough to be able to stay at home. And no, I am not an uninformed, uneducated woman. I have a bachelor's degree in nursing and worked full-time as an R.N. before becoming a mom. My husband and I made a joint decision that when we had kids, I would stay at home to raise them. I have found no greater joy than being able to stay at home and raise my son. I look forward to instilling values, self-esteem, character, and being able to see him thrive, explore, and learn as he grows up. I also have a solid marriage where my husband and I share the belief that the money he makes is not "his" money. It is our family's money. Why live your life for the "what if's"? Why have children if you don't plan on being around to see them grow up? Why get married if "his" will always be his and "yours" (or lack thereof) will always be yours? What happened to "ours"?http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110291Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:10:21 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110291RDF, Providence RII am absolutely appalled that you would even entertain this book that this woman has written. It shows a skewed view of a sour woman who obviously isn’t happy with herself or her life. I am a career woman and plan on being a stay at home mom when my baby is born, this doesn’t make me any less of a woman or any less of a woman who wouldn’t be able to find a “new” career when that time comes. I am educated, smart and truly dedicated to the welfare and growth of my child. I think that the problem that we have in this country is that too many mothers choose to work instead of staying home with their children and raising them with morels and values, instead you have children thrown into daycare or left at home as latch-key children and are made for society to deal with. Get a wake up call lady and figure out that not all woman want what you are preaching. Who are you to tell me that I am making a mistake giving up a career so that my child can grow up in a loving environment and not a day care with little human contact or supervision. This book does an injustice to the women who decide to stay home and help their children grow. I think this book is a mistake and am very disappointed that Ann Curry and the TODAY team did not do a point of view from a mom who decides to stay at home for the sake and growth of her children. Maybe if this country would stop trying to catch up to the “Jones” then maybe we wouldn’t have ½ the crime, theft and murder that we do, life would be more simple and our children wouldn’t have to worry about guns and school violence. Shame on you TODAY! http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110292Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:11:02 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110292Stephanie Sheehan, Simsbury, CTWhen are we as a society going to stop villefying women for the choices they (and their spouse)make? It seems that each new decade brings some new book trying to dictate what a woman's role is or should be, and God forbid if what you are doing is not what these so-called "experts" think you should be doing. Like many of the women who have written in, I am a stay-at-home Mom and enjoy the time I have with my two year old. I worked in PR/Communications prior to having my son and will go back to work when my children are older just as my mother did. My husband and I are lucky that we could choose to have me stay home. Why do we all have to fit into the same mold of what is "right" and what is "wrong" and why do bother listening to people who write books telling us how to live our lives. For me and my family staying home is the best "mistake" I have ever made. I wonder if Meredith Vieira thinks it was a "mistake" for her to choose her baby over her job? From where I sit, her "mistake" seems like it turned out pretty great.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110305Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:16:29 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110305Connie, Omaha NebraskaAs a stay at home mom, I am fully aware that I do not bring in any income, I am not contributing to a 401k, I am not providing health insurance for my family. I knew this going into it and I know it now. To imply that stay at home mothers don't make this connection is offensive. It is a choice that my husband and I made together, fully aware of the sacrafices it involves. All mothers - working outside or in the home - make sacrafices - tremendous ones, it just comes with the territory. We each need to weigh the benefits with the sacrafices in our individual families and make our decisions accordingly. No one should be told they have made a 'mistake' if they have made one decision over the other. Choosing to work outside the home over staying home with children as a "just in case" precaution never occured to me - even after to weighing the financial consequences. If my husband were to become injured, lose his job, divorce me, whatever might happen - I would not regret for a second the time I have spent raising our children at home. I would, in fact, be that much more grateful that I had that chance to spend that time with them while I could. Never in a million years woudl I consider it a "mistake". http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110312Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:18:18 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110312Alissa LonerganHere we go again with media-hype trying to pit women who make different choices against one another. The feminist movement was waged so that women could have choices. I consider myself a feminist. I have chosen to stay home for the past 9 years and raise my 3 children. I respect women who work outside of the home and find that they respect my choice to be a stay-at-home mom. I have found that women have a great ability to be supportive and helpful towards other women. I help out my women friends who work outside the home by providing childcare when they need it. They help me out by keeping me abreast of what is going on in the workplace. It is true that on a single-income you are much more vulnerable financially. This is why getting an education, keeping up skills, and maintaining connections with the those in the workforce while you are a stay-at-home mom is so important. Women should be focusing their energy on supporting one another and pushing an agenda of affordable, quality childcare and more family-friendly workplace policies (which benefit both moms and dads) instead of worrying about who made the better decision. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110330Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:30:13 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110330Jennifer, Niagara, WII think I understand where Ms. Bennetts is coming from with her arguments. But isn't there a better solution than to have generations of children raised by daycare workers? A daycare worker can have all of the qualifications in the world, but will not love & care for a child like his or her own mother. My husband and I struggle financially so I can stay home with our children. We drive old cars, live in a small house, do not have designer clothes, high-tech electronics, etc. But we are committed to giving our chidren the love, time, attention, and security they deserve from their parents. Some mothers do not have the option to stay at home, and I may not always have it either. But we as a nation need to get our priorities right when it comes to our children. What will come first--money, things, houses, vacations OR our children? Lastly, Ms. Bennet's arguments discount the men in this country who love their children and would NEVER abandon them in poverty. There are thousands of ment that would and do work themselves to death before they would let their children go without the things they need -- whether or not they are married to their children's mother!!! http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110338Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:33:32 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110338AnnieI am amazed that anyone would suggest that staying at home to raise kids is a mistake. I have been a stay at home mom for over 18 years and although there have been hard times (more than I care to remember at times) NEVER have I once regretted my decision to stay at home with my children. We have made sure that my husband and I are insured so that in case of a death we are able to handle financial needs, and we work each day to make sure that our marriage is top priority. We have gone with out the extras many times, but we have never not been there for the important things in life, the first word, the first step, the first playdate, the first day of school, the first date...the list goes on and on and I for one believe that these moments are priceless. Now that my kids are all teenagers they need me even more. The problems have become harder to solve and more dangerous to the choices that have to be made. Because I am here with them I am able to hear them tell me what goes on at school, they ask questions, they talk and I am here to listen and guide them, to me there is know one that can guide my children into adulthood the way that I feel I can and there is no amount of money that would make me give up the teaching moments that I have. The MISTAKE here is what this woman is saying with her book. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110340Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:34:21 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110340Suzanne, Coconut Creek, FLIf the problem is that women are giving up their future security in the event of a death or divorce, then a savings account and a life insurance policy should do the trick.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110346Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:37:40 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110346Samantha Thurner, Pittsburgh, PAAppalling! In my opinion, that is what is wrong with children in this country now, they don't have consistency in anything in their lives from an early age when in day care, or even with a grandparent because everyone does things differently, from discipline to having different morals, etc. And children who are in childcare are usually getting conflicting information everyday from the caregiver and the parents. How confusing for a child!? Also, usually the moms who decide to work don't pay close enough attention to their children when they are home. (I said usually- I know some still do. and I'm not talking about single moms who really don't have a choice, they usually do pay attention to the children when they are not working.) And of course, these children usually have a lot of discipline problems because they are trying to get ANY attention they can from their mothers. I get annoyed when a mother in a two income family says they "have" to work. You don't "have" to live in the biggest, newest house and drive 2 brand new cars and maybe you don't go on vacation every single year, much less 2-3 times a year. It's called living within your means! What is more important, your child's well being or that you have the newest and best of everything all the time. A childs first few years of life are the most important in terms of what type of adult they become and how well adjusted they are in the long run. Two income familys have just as much trouble when a catastrophe happens as a single income family, because they are usually not living within their means the whole time! http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110356Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:44:22 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110356Linda Huffman, Mexico, MOAs a mother of a 5 and 7 year old, I hardly call it a "mistake" to be a stay-at-home mother. Call me irresponsible, but I am not going to let the "what-ifs" in life scare me into working when I have the opportunity to stay home and raise a family. It is a woman's choice whether or not she wants to work or stay home and either choice she makes should not be viewed or judged by others as bad or a mistake. I feel that by someone telling me that I should be working is a throwback to the fifties when women were told to stay home and raise the children. Please, let mothers and their families make their own decisions without the guilt and scare tactics. I would also like to know if the authour has children of her own. My guess would be, "No."http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110359Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:48:29 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110359Catherine Martin, San Antonio, TexasI worked very hard for 3 years to finally conceive twins, through invitro fertilization. There was NO WAY I was going to then turn around and hand them over to someone else each day, once they were born!! I opted to stay at home with them because I loved the fact that my mother was at home with me, as a child. My husband and I made this decision together. Did I marry a man who will never leave me or unexpectedly die? Who ever knows? But I did marry a man who will ALWAYS make sure that his children are well taken care of. Meaning that if he leaves me, he's aware that I will take half of our assets and 401K. We don't have "his and her money"; everything he makes is "OUR money". If he dies, we have more than enough to help me out in insurance money. If he loses his job...go get another one, buddy!! We have a lot of savings, in the meantime. My point is this: stay at home moms aren't a bunch of naive, uneducated idiots who are waiting around to get slammed. We are fully capable of taking care of ourselves, if we plan well. I have no regrets. My own mother stayed home for 12 years, then returned to school to get a Master's degree and is at the top of her career now. That's a REAL woman! Maybe the real message we need to be sending out to woamen is "marry a man of integrity"(!!!!!) and not "let someone else raise your kids". Maybe this is why so many marriages end in divorce today, people have completely lost trust in one another!!http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110398Tue, 03 Apr 2007 19:17:13 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110398Donna Smith, Schaefferstown, PATake it from someone who has had a career and a husband and 4 children; gave it up and found out that life wasn't as sweet as I thought. My husband squandered our money (he was an intelligent, charming man whom I had known for years, personally and professionally). I felt that he had his family's interests genuinely in mind when he asked me to stop working to raise our children in a decent and loving environment. As it turned out, he was a liar (cheating on me was far down on the list of his transgressions)and not only bankrupted us but got us into trouble with the IRS. I had a difficult time getting back into the workforce, not just because of my age but mostly because technology had changed so much in just five years that my skills were "behind the times". Being 37 years old at the time didn't help matters, and telling a prospective employer I NEEDED to work was a definite red flag. There are no guarantees, and having supported myself since age 16, putting myself through college, making the mistake of giving fiscal responsibility and control has cost me and my children dearly. We all are not LUCKY enough to have it all, no matter how much we wish it. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110432Tue, 03 Apr 2007 19:36:07 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110432D Wilson Salem, ORMs. Bennett's comments/book should be considered an insult to the intelligence of all stay-at-home mothers. If she believes that we don't weigh the risks before making the choice to stay home, then she is the one mistaken. I have stayed home with my two children for the past year and a half and I unfortunately almost lost my husband in a car accident a couple of months ago. While I'm grateful that I didn't lose him, if I had, I know that financially we'd be okay. We have planned and are prepared for if something happened to either of us. I would never give up staying at home to raise my children just because I was afraid of what the future held or of losing money. Thats a very selfish reason to go back to work. And I don't keep my kids out of daycare because of fear that they won't be treated right. I keep them out of daycare because I want to be the one to build their foundation and I want to be there for them later on when they come home from school with a problem or a funny story. I would be very interested to hear how proponents of stay-at-home mothers (like Dr. James Dobson) would respond to this book. Perhaps you could do a follow-up interview with them.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110441Tue, 03 Apr 2007 19:39:15 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110441Beverly DoucetteI too was appauled at the interview this morning for alot of reasons. I was a teacher for many years,mother of two, and a wife who lost her husband to Cancer at the age of 35. So I guess you can say I've seen it all. I deal with darling little children every day and there is absolutely no substitute for Mommy. I realize that some families don't have a choice...the two income saga. I believe if society in general would give up their eighty thousand dollar cars and expensive houses this would not be a problem. I see children with behavioral issues simply because of the lack of parental involvement. I totally understand the issue some women face..death of a spouse..lost wages and all that "what if" nonsense as I have been there. Today is today and you can't live your life hoping the worst won't happen because I certainly know your kids don't!http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110446Tue, 03 Apr 2007 19:41:13 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110446Deb O.Ms. Bennett should have written her book from the other side. Her grandfather was the problem! The only mistake her grandmother made was marrying him! Jean S. from Smart Money could have done a more accurate presentation on financial planning and security for young families with children and only one working parent. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110454Tue, 03 Apr 2007 19:47:23 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110454Trinia Robison Republic MissouriI am a working mother of two beautiful children ages 4 and 7 months. Everyday I have to leave my sweet babies at the sitter and each day I silently wish I could stay at home with them. I do believe it is one of the most difficult decision facing mothers/familys today. And for Ms Bennett to go on national television and beret mothers all over America who make that difficult decision everyday is unforgiveable. Do you have childrens Ms. Bennett? Do you have any idea what it is like to drop your children off everyday? I like most working mothers don't have a choice to stay at home, my husband and I would love it if I could. I don't know many friends of mine that wouldn't jump at the chance. I am fortunate to have a wonderful babysitter who makes it very easy for me to leave my kids with her each day. Many mothers are not that lucky. With all the horrible stories of daycare nelegect I find it hard to believe that you think the "childcare issues is just an excuse". If you ask me mothers having to return to the work place just to make ends meet is what is wrong with this country today.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110457Tue, 03 Apr 2007 19:48:36 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110457Pamala Motheral, Bend, OregonThe Feminine Judgement! As a stay at home mom for 10 years of 3 daughters,I am appalled and offended at this book and Leslie Bennett's attitude. This is nothing more than a salve that makes her/woman feel better about leaving their children to be raised by someone else so they can have more money! Does she really think we that stay home do not know any risk? Not only are we bad parents but we are stupid as well? Their is risk with any choice and as parents or humans we try to make the best decisions for OUR family, which is different for each person, how dare she say we are letting our children down by not working....she is letting women down by thinking we should "patchwork" parent by letting others do the main job! I am just in shock that she is getting media attention to make herself feel like she is right. I believe women can work and be mothers, I believe women can be full time moms and be great mothers, I believe its a choice of what works best for your family, and when faced with crossroads you deal...you don't ditch out on your children. If you decide to have children you need to make the best choices for them not yourself. So keep raking in the dough on your book so you feel superior to other women, it does not! not! not! make you a better mother!! Steamed in Oregon~ Pamalahttp://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110485Tue, 03 Apr 2007 20:02:42 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110485Joanne Ingram Sarasota, Fl.Ms. Bennett said the media has scares us away from daycare...isn't she using the media to scare us way from our homes? please vot for thos in office who support paid leave and govt. assist programs for parents to stay home for the first year of a childs birth or adoption. We can change this!http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110486Tue, 03 Apr 2007 20:03:01 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110486Jane SmithI am sorry Bennet has such a pessimistic outlook on motherhood and its effects on women. I know I would rather hire the "post-birth me" than the "pre-birth me." I am more efficient and motivated having to consider all of my son's needs as well as my husband's and my own. I think stay-at-home moms - or any caregivers for that matter - are undervalued workers. I am lucky to work part-time now, but when I am back full-swing in the workforce years from now- which I am determined to be - those hoping to work for me will do well to have "Mom" on their resumes! http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110498Tue, 03 Apr 2007 20:10:46 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110498Monica Seymour, IndianaI have to take issue with the interview this morning. I am currently staying home with my 18 month old daughter. I have a master's degree and enjoyed a professional career before the arrival of our daughter. My husband and I are in a position where I am able to stay home and I feel very blessed to be able to do that. I view staying home as an opportunity, certainly not some sort of mistake that might haunt me for the rest of my life. It doesn't seem reasonable to me that Ms Bennetts can push her ideas as though she knows what is right for each individual family. She talked about the '15 years' for intensive mothering vs the 60 years a women might need to support herself. It makes sense to me that I should take the opportunity to participate in the early years of my child's life where I can truly be an influence to her. There will be plenty of time left for working. My husband and I make sure that we are both aware of the finances, where the money is, etc. In addition, I keep up with my profession by reading journals and doing continuing education. I believe that when I re-enter the workforce it might be a bit rocky, but that the learning curve will be steep. I appreciate what Ms Bennetts is trying to say, but I still believe that each family needs to do what is right for them.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110505Tue, 03 Apr 2007 20:14:16 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110505Dana Fitzgerald, Collinsville, ILWhat is "high risk" behavior? I don't smoke, do drugs, drink alcohol and I have had only one sexual partner (my husband) but yet I am being told that I engage in high risk behvaior because I love my 20 month old son enough to have stopped my paying job to make taking him my full time career for now. I am deeply saddened for the women whose husbands have not taken care of them as they promised in their wedding vows or for the widows who have found themselved in financial stress. Those hypothetical situtaions are poor reasons for a woman to choose to work. I think it is much more risky to leave the raising of your children 40 hours a week to a practical stranger making $8 an hour. Even the most caring of workers cannot possibly leave the legacy of faith, family and nurturing that I want to leave my son. I am tired of people viewing me as less of a woman because I am doing what women were made for.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110520Tue, 03 Apr 2007 20:26:45 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110520Jennifer Kerr, Mount Pleasant, MichiganI have been watching The Today Show for quite some time and have never watched a story that stirred such passion in me. I am a stay-at-home mom of two precious daughters, 3 and 1. Each day I pour myself out in love as I read countless books, answer endless "why?" questions, plan stimulating activities, prepare wholesome food, and much more. I am certain my sacrifices now will impact society in a much larger way than if I had a career. Because of the choices I am making, my daughters will learn to be difference-makers and to offer life to a hurting world. I do not live in fear of poverty. Yet even if I were living in poverty at the end of my life, I would never regret a single moment I spent with my children. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110522Tue, 03 Apr 2007 20:27:50 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110522Michelle - Madison, WI I do not agree with this author. Staying at home is not for everyone indeed...but if a parent (mother or father) wishes to do so they should not be made to feel they've made a "mistake" or put their financial future in jeopardy. Yes, a family does make financial sacrifices for one parent to stay home and raise children but those sacrifices do not have to be disastrous as this author predicts. I've been a stay at home mom for three years now and each day I am so happy to be able to witness every milestone small or large. I think the bigger issue here is not that women are making a "mistake" by staying at home. Besides soaring daycare costs...some of which just do not justify a parent to work, not to mention the fact that the dependent care credit has not been indexed for these increases in many years, the underlying issue here is that the average American household does not do much saving, for retirement or anything else, at all! It doesn't really matter whether or not a parent chooses to leave the workforce to care for their children. In my case, besides my husband's 401K and his ROTH IRA, three years ago we opened a ROTH IRA in my name and we try to put as much into it each year as we can. Just because a parent chooses to stay at home doesn't mean they can't still save for their retirement as well. It takes many additional financial sacrifices to do this but even just saving the smallest amount of money each month is something. And besides the retirement issue, women who stay at home can take charge of their financial situation by saving money in general (savings account, CD's or mutual funds) accounts as well. I just think it is quite pessimistic of this author to view women who stay at home as being helpless in relying on their husbands to take care of everything...yes, choosing to leave the workforce is a gamble and yes, many marriages end in divorce, but there are many things women can do to ensure they won't end up in poverty if the worse were to happen. It sounds to me like she witnessed a dire situation with her own family (her grandmother) and that experience led her to form the opinions she has today. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110524Tue, 03 Apr 2007 20:31:14 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110524Jennifer Kerr, Mount Pleasant, MichiganI have been watching The Today Show for quite some time and have never watched a story that stirred such passion in me. I am a stay-at-home mom of two precious daughters, 3 and 1. Each day I pour myself out in love as I read countless books, answer endless "why?" questions, plan stimulating activities, prepare wholesome food, and much more. I am certain my sacrifices now will impact society in a much larger way than if I had a career. Because of the choices I am making, my daughters will learn to be difference-makers and to offer life to a hurting world. I do not live in fear of poverty. Yet even if I were living in poverty at the end of my life, I would never regret a single moment I spent with my children. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110531Tue, 03 Apr 2007 20:34:22 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110531Julie D., Shelton, CTI think it is really sad that this woman can degrad women who choose to stay at home and raise their own children. I am a stay at home mom for a 4 month old baby boy and could not imagine leaving my child in day care. I worked for a company who is not child friendly and looked down on mothers. My husband and I did the math we figured with the cost of day care and my commuting I could not afford to work. It is really sad that Ms. Bennett has decided to degard women who stay at home and raise their children. I would like to know does Ms. Bennett have any children. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110562Tue, 03 Apr 2007 20:54:09 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110562Tansy Shelton Lyman WyomingI was dumbfounded with Leslie Bennetts view on being a stay at home mom. I have been a stay at home mom for 17 years and it has been the most rewarding part of my life. I can't imagine how anyone can think that there is a price that you can put on raising children to become adults that can contribute to society. To me there is only one answer and if my husband would die suddenly, or leave me then I am a bright intelligent woman and I would do whatever was neccesary to support me and my children. Butr right now is the time for me to embrace motherhood and everything that comes with it. Hurray for all stay at home moms... and hurrah for those moms who work and still are great moms and wives. We are women, hear us roar!http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110570Tue, 03 Apr 2007 20:57:53 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110570Vanessa Stone, Falling Waters, WVAs an educated stay at home mother of two young children, I not only found Ms. Bennet's comments offensive but unfounded. There seems to be an implication that as a stay at home mother that I have no rights, nor do I make any contribution to my familiy's economic future. While I agree that there are many "what ifs" to face that can devastate a family financially, there was no discussion or affirmation of the countless number of wise decisions that women and men make to ensure their financial future. In the unlikely event that my husband were to pass away, we have a savings as well as life insurance to more than provide for our family. As responsible parents and partners, we have a savings to protect us from financial ruin in the event that my husband would lose his job. Our family comes before money and material things, if we continue to put that first then whatever future situation we face (as a family) can be managed and survived. It is most important that I raise thoughtful, caring, emotionally well balanced children who will choose to serve society instead of themselves and the ulmighty buck. My husband is not my night in shining armor, nor is he my sugar daddy - he is my partner, committed to our family just as I am. His role is to not only provide financial support but to mentor my children, love them, guide them, as well as to love and support me. Ms. Bennet seemed to characterize husbands as something temporal and unnecessary to a family (other than serving a monetary role). A woman choosing to work or to stay at home should be based on her family's individual needs. Sometimes there is no other choice than to work, sometimes mothers have children with special needs that require such great care that they cannot work. The important thing is that woman fight for their families and the best interest of their children, not fight each other about their choice.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110575Tue, 03 Apr 2007 21:01:52 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110575Sandy, Mansfield, MAI'm a mom of two boys - I work part-time at home - I took a HUGE paycut to do this but I feel as if it's the most important job of my life to stay home and make sure the two human beings I brought into this world have the best chance possible in life. It's hard enough as it is. However, I often think about what if something were to happen to my husband- I don't have a "career" per say. Is that what Life Insurance is for until you can make those decisions in times of tragedy?http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110583Tue, 03 Apr 2007 21:11:36 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110583TL, New York, New YorkMs. Bennett shows her age. What I don't think Ms. Bennett takes into account is how much our work force has changed in the past few decades; in a way that negatively impacts women. I'm a 27 year-old corporate lawyer in New York and I work 60-80 hour weeks, much like many women today in fields with enough earning potential to support a family. In order for a woman to bring in a substantial enough salary to off-set the insane costs of child care, she, in most cases, cannot merely work part time, or even a 40 hour work week. Ms. Bennett remembers that every night her mother "came home and made an elaborate meal for our family—no TV dinners for us!—along with baking cookies for the next day’s Girl Scout meeting, cleaning the house, washing and ironing our clothes for school, and helping us with our homework..." While this may have been possible for a woman holding down a career and a family in the 50's and even the 70's, the familial sacrifices that women are forced to make today are much greater. They must chose financial independence, albiet an attractive goal, at the cost of not being able to put thier children to bed, to attend Doctors appointments, and to take part in even the fringes of their childrens' lives. Ms. Bennett's delusions that women can have it all, are just that, delusions. Unfortunately today's career world typically does not make it possible for women to climb the corporate ladder and make elaborate dinners for thier families. The choice to stay home, or work is a trade-off, with even more severe consequences on either end. Because it costs much more to support a family today, the financial risks of stay-at-home moms are in fact greater. But with the demands placed upon us by our high powered carreers, the sacrifices we must make with respect to time with our children are greater as well. Coming down on either side of the decision will have pluses and minuses, but to call either choice a "mistake" is simply disconnected from the reality of today's world. While its a sad truth, women cannot always have it all. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110589Tue, 03 Apr 2007 21:18:52 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110589Monica, CTI am currently getting ready to quit my career and become a stay at home mommy for my 2 children. I think Ms. Bennet is totally missing the point here. She is bringing personal history to the argument of staying at home vs. working. There is nothing more important than caring for your own children during the early years. Full time Daycare can never match that. Reading the comments posted by other mom's and watching the interview this morning only confirms my decision to stay at home. There is a lifetime to go back to work....only a few years of childhood to make memorable. No doubt about it!!! Counting down days to exiting the corporate world...http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110615Tue, 03 Apr 2007 21:42:18 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110615Brian, Winston-Salem, NCI believe the problem is not a "Feminine Mistake," as the Ms. Bennett suggests, but is really a Masculine Mistake. It grieves me to see that women feel they can no longer depend upon their husband and/or partner. The statisics that Ms. Bennett gave regarding male failure, both within and without his control, is very sobbering. As a future father, I would never want to place such large burdens upon my wife and soon to be mother, because of her fear of my potential failures. We all know men are certainly not perfect, but I call upon women to hold their men to higher expectations. The problem is not with feminine dependency, but the weak cultural and personal expectations of male committment in general. The real feminine mistake is the lack of holding men accountable!http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110639Tue, 03 Apr 2007 22:06:20 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110639Kara Easton, Woodbridge VAI'm glad to see that I wasn't the only one offended by Ms. Bennett. I was very appauled at how dismissive she was of legitimate concerns mothers have about daycare providers. I won't speak against her book with out reading it, but her Today Show interview was very negative and dangerous. Perhaps instead of making it seem silly to stay home with your kids, she should have stated that these are things woman need to be aware of. The truth of the matter is woman do need to be prepared if possible however, one can never be completely prepared for everything life has to offer. She stated that our first obligation to our kids is food and shelter or something like that. Haven't we seen the affects of this attitude. There are so many adults who are screwed up emotionally due to that way of thinking. They had no worries about food or shelter, but not enough time, attention, love, discipline, and guidance from their parents. This whole train of thought had a detrimental affect on fathers and their relationship with their kids. Now we are seeing the wide spread affect it has on both parents. Children aren't pets that we buy toys for feed and play with when we have time. Children need to learn how to survive in this world emotionally and physically. As a parent our only job isn't to just feed and shelter our kids. To simply act like it's so easy to find people you trust to care for your children is reckless. I think we as a society need to get our priorities in check. I agree with the idea of letting each family make the best decision for themselves.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110647Tue, 03 Apr 2007 22:14:23 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110647Heather S., St. Louis, MOI agree that women need to be aware and prepared for the financial pitfalls that exist in life, but to suggest that we only owe our children financial support is just plain bunk! If that's all that matters lets ship the little darlings off to boarding school. I also want to know where in the US economy are all these worthwhile jobs for every educated man and woman to fill?http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110658Tue, 03 Apr 2007 22:40:39 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110658April Mitchell, Pasco, WashingtonIt is so sad to me to learn that there are so many woman out there that feel like they can't truly trust the man that they have decided to spend their lives with and have children with. I am a stay at home mom of two boys. My husband has not and would never put his family in a position that if something happened to him we wouldn't be taken care of. I think that making the decision to be a stay at home mom is huge, there are many MATERIAL things that we do with out. When both parents are truly committed to raising a phenominal family, having the mother stay at home with the children can have nothing but fantastic results. Having a negative attitude to those you claim to love and trust will bring nothing but negative things your way.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110664Tue, 03 Apr 2007 22:48:35 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110664K Randolph, WashingtonMy husband and I made a choice long before we had children, actually before we even were married. I would be staying at home with our children. Why would anyone want to have children and then let someone else (daycare) raise them? I would like my children to grow up learning the values and morals that I feel are important. No daycare, no matter how wonderful, can love my child as much as I do and care for them as I would. It upsets me that someone would call my loving choice a mistake. We have planned to make this choice work for the best of our family. I have a college degree, and a retirement account that we fund every month. We both have life insurance. We have planned for the unfortunate and unexpected life events. I hope that all stay-at-home mothers do the same. Yes, I do realize that if I go back to the workplace that my salary will be diminished. But would a competitive job and wonderful salary make up for missing my children's lives? I guess that is a question that we should all ask before we have children. By the way, I have 2 little girls and a boy on the way. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110709Tue, 03 Apr 2007 23:34:57 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110709Barbara Taylor, Greer, SCStep into my shoes for only a moment-I don't think you will want to be there for much longer. I met my husband when I was 18. We have three children. He worked in corporate America's mid management. We moved, he traveled, we lived. He never wanted his wife to have to work. Not after he lost his corporate job. Not after he lost the next job, a big named position with a friend's firm. Not after he became so sick he couldn't look for work. And I supposed, not after he dropped dead from a heart attack in the middle of the night. I have been through more in the past few years than I ever thought possible. There was no one to turn to for help, and those who offered it, took advantage of me. So here I sit, living on Social Security Survivor's Benefits, have lost our family's home because of legaltities (I was not on the mortgage?) These battles have taken their toll - I have such depression I can not function, everything is in total disarray, I can't rent a place to move my family into let alone even get a Target credit card because of my horrible credit rating. It almost killed me last year- I spent months in the hospital and a nursing home. All because the ideal family turned into a nightmare. I haven't worked in forever but still have kids to raise. The writer is right- women need financial security established early on. There's a good chance there's not going to be a husband there to provide or more important to me, to guide me along the pathway. In fact, I don't see any way clear for us to get through. I have nothing now. And apparently I will have nothing more. All because the man I relied on for my world isn't here anymore. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110741Wed, 04 Apr 2007 00:07:40 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110741Karen DavisI am 36 and about to give birth to my 3rd child. I can appreciate the concerns about women being able to care for their families however, I feel the comments made by Ms. Bennett were not fully examined. I have stayed at home and worked part-time from home. Although my part-time income was not enough to support a family (0 - $750 per month), it did keep me involved in the work force and when my husband did lose his job, I was able to get a job paying $65K per year within a month. This is after being out of the full time work force for 5 years. Staying home is not an instant end to a career. I stayed connected to friends in my line of work and was very honest in interviews as to why I had not worked. I believe that employers appreciated my honesty because I told them how demanding it is to be a mom and I am also very aware of the commitment it takes to have a job and the dedication required from the employer. Even had I not gone back to work, we would have been ok. Families should plan accordingly with savings, disability insurance, be aware of the state requirements for unemployment, if need be, pulling out equity from a home, and be sure that both spouses have more than adequate life insurance. As difficult as it may seem, it may even be appropriate to have small life insurance policies for the children in the event that something should happen. The cost of a funeral and time you will be unable to work can add up. A good financial planner should be consulted, and if it is a reputable company there is no charge for these consultations. We do not make a six figure income, but if we can plan and prepare, then I believe with the right information, any stay-at-home mom (or dad) can be adequately prepared for the worst.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110742Wed, 04 Apr 2007 00:07:51 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110742Diana Garchow, Bakersfield, CaliforniaI am retired now but I worked for 42 years and am proud of every day. I was married and my husband left me and my two children with no means of support when my youngest was a few years old. I remarried and he died of a sudden heart attack. Through all of this I was able to give my children a home, food, gas, electricity, etc. because I worked. God gave me a brain and the skills to do what my children needed to survive. They are grown now and quite successful. Life isn't always what we dream of or hope for; instead it is a bigger plan that includes personal perservance and love.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110771Wed, 04 Apr 2007 00:46:45 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110771Stephanie Rossi, Leesburg, VAI was half-heartedly paying attention to Ms. Bennetts segment this morning, as I was helping my oldest son get ready for a sports clinic, when something she said caught my attention. I have been steaming mad ever since. I have been a Stay-At-Mom for just over 14 years. I now have four beautiful and intelligent children, the youngest is six. I believe that Ms. Bennett has a huge chip on her shoulders and must have written this book as some form of therapy. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We are best friends and partners committed to raising our family the best way we know how. Fortunately, my husband is extremely successful in his career, which allows me to stay at home. He would be the first person to tell you that he is able to be so successful because he has me at home backing him up and taking care of every aspect of our home life. Let me tell you that being a stay-at-home mom involves very little staying at home when your children move beyond preschool. I believe that Ms. Bennett should be thanking all the stay at home moms that volunteer at her children's school, arrange car pools to sporting events and offer to take care of her children when she cannot. I believe that I have the most important job in the world and every night when I tuck my children in and they hug me, I receive the biggest paycheck I will ever need. No self-respecting woman should purchase Ms.Bennetts book, it is an embarrassment. http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110784Wed, 04 Apr 2007 01:00:41 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110784Dina Conzemius, Greenwood, MinnesotaRisky? My husband and I have covered our bases to reduce the risk I took when I quit my job to raise our boys, age 1 and 3. We each have great life insurance policies, retirement funds, savings. I wouldn't be caught off guard financially if something happened to him or his job. Its also important to look at the dependency he has on me: if I were to die suddenly, he would be left with the 24/7 care that 2 little boys requires...on top of his full-time job. My mom spent 20 years as a stay at home mom, and her husband left her when she was in her 40's for another woman. 10 years later she died of melanoma. Two days before she died she told me the highlight of her life, the only thing she really remembered, was being home with her 3 daughters when we were little.http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/04/03/109978.aspx#110802Wed, 04 Apr 2007 01:09:56 GMT8a5d2dbc-a0e4-4c7a-979f-3188051f228e:110802Kariann B., Santa Clara, CAWhen my son was born, I worried about going back to work and putting him in day care 45 hours/week. And if I didn't go back to work, my husband wouldn't be able to support us comfortably on his own. So instead, I got licensed for a home day care so I could stay home and not be financially dependent on my husband. Now, I've got it all - being able to raise my son (and #2 on the way!), have my own business with my own money, AND not have to pay through my nose for day care. Who says you can't have it all?