My story is very similar to "Grew out of it" in Tennessee-- I didn't talk in school from kindergarten through eight grade, even to my friends. I was a good student, active in band and sports, and the private school I went to accomodated my then-unlabeled condition (except for the occasional crusader). I recall my parents taking me to various counseling sessions, but it was only at school I exhibited the problem. In high school I changed schools and just decided not talking was harder than talking, so from day one  that's what I did. That was 30 years ago, and I'm still not the most social person-- I get nervous when I have to get in front of a lot of people, it takes awhile to get to know me well, etc., but I'm happy and consider myself well within the definition of "normal."

I would counsel people who have children with selective mutism to try to avoid giving them drugs, and not to push them too hard to talk. Some of the more positive ideas in the other responses seem very good.

While I do think it is great that SM is getting some exposure from this segment and the People magazine article, I have to say I was very disappointed in some of Matt Lauer's comments in the promos for the piece - specifically, when he said "How about this for a STRANGE story..." and in referring to the disorder: "This is BIZARRE."  I cannot believe how incredibly insensitive, offensive and really appalling the choice of his words were to me.  We have a beautiful, wonderful, smart and loving 6 year old boy who has been struggling with this on and off for a several years, and the work still to be done is significant.  

While Mr. Lauer was correct in saying it must be frustrating for everyone, most of all it is heartbreaking.  I feel as though The Today Show blew a chance to help promote awareness in a positive way and remove the stigma surrounding children/people with social anxieties.  Would he use the same language in describing other anxieties/disorders as "strange" and "bizarre"?  I hope he doesn't have to hear someone on national television talking about his children in that manner.

It has been heartbreaking to read of all these sad, worried children and parents seeking solutions to this problem. I am a Physical Therapist, and I do volunteer work with my Therapy Dog. I have found people--especially children--will speak to a dog rather than to an adult. If some of these children can have a service dog at school, it may help them bridge that social/emotional gap. They have to speak to their dog, and allow that speech to help open a path to normal interaction with their peers. Just a suggestion...

My son has Selective Mutism.  And since it's genetic we believe the my husband had it too when he was younger.   John started off being a normal hapyy outgoing baby.  He loved waving to everyone in the store when we went shopping.  Then sometime about when we put him into preschool and his grandmother got sick there was a change in him.  He would not talk to anyone including relative outside the home.  He was completely fine when he was home talking, laughing and playing with his sister.  It took me several years and finding a support group to actually figuring what was going on with my son.  

It was a srtuggle and sometimes still is.  His teacher even mentioned today that he still at times won't speak in class. It took us awhile but between behavior modification, therapy and not pushing him to speak in social situations he has been doing much better.  Some kids do need to take medicine for the anxiety but many don't need to. Still there needs to be more awareness on Selective Mutism.

My son was diagnosed at age 4 with selective mutism.  He would not speak outside the home in all of preschool or his first year of kindegarten.  I took him to a specialist at Ochsner Hospital in New Orleans roughly 4 years ago and they placed him on Zoloft.  He took the Zoloft for nearly 2 years.  It seemed to help him deal with his anxiety.  I decided to have him repeat Kindegarten.  He no longer takes the Zoloft.  And, he is now in the 2nd grade and speaks and interacts absolutely normally.  Most people can not believe that he would not talk in the past.  I am so grateful I was able to find help for him.

Elizabeth , Hattiesburg YOU HIT THE NAIL EXACTLY ON THE HEAD. I posted earlier, but you explained it so much better. I remember exactly how I felt as a child and the anxiety grows and intensifies when a fuss is made. Occasionally I will see a former classmate from elementary school and they will always mention that I didn't talk and for a moment, I completely feel that same anxiety 30 years later. Just let the child come to terms with it on their own and aid that by providing them with a fresh venue where they can start over.

My daughter was diagnosed with Selective Mutism at age 4.  It was heartbreaking watching her go to preschool and not being able to speak to her teachers or the other kids.  She would not speak to anyone outside of our immediate family.  With therapy and medication she is doing great at age 6 and can speak to almost anyone.

Wonderful report that I caught just as I was about to leave. I think I may have had this as a child (and no it's not just one of those things I thought I had, like Scarlet Fever. =P) I was never diagnosed because my mother is a quiet person and she didn't think this was a problem. However, from when I started school til about the 7th grade you wouldn't hear a peep from me. As I started to get to know my class (which took 7 or 8 years) I felt I could loosen up and talk. I may not have had bad selective mutism, but I grew out of it by the time I entered high school. It's really wonderful to know I'm not the only kid who was so painfully shy that I missed out on so much of life.

My daughter's teacher called and asked that I watch this segment. This is my daughter, finally an answer. something that has made no sense has a name and a treatment and hope! I plan to waste no time in getting my daughter the help she needs, I am so greatful to her teacher for never giving up on finding an answer she is my hero.

My daugther was diagnosed with Selective Mutism.   She is 13 and will be 14 shortly.  She barely talks in public and when she talks she is very quite.  The school here thinks they know how to handle it when in fact they go against her Doctors orders.  They think she should be forced to speak when in fact that is the worst thing they could do.  She will break down and cry in school.  I am afraid for her going into the high school next year.  With the no kid left behind act she will not be able to have her special classes where she can feel comfort she must attend the main stream classes.  Because of this disorder she is behind in English classes.  I'm afraid she will really fall behind in High School.  I am thankful for you piece on this and making people aware of Selective Mutism.  For more info go to selectivemutism.org  it's a great site. Please continue to do more pieces on this and help bring  it to the publics attention.

I am a 58 year old woman who suffered from selective mutism from kindergarten through 5th grade.  I remember it as being a horrible time of my life.  I spoke only to teachers my best friend.  I was tested by the school several times but the results were always that I was a very bright child normal in every way except that I would not speak. I desperatly wanted to speak out but I had gone for so many years without talking that I didn't know how to go about it. When I waa 10 years old my parents moved to a different area 500 miles away.  I remember the relief I felt because I could go to a new school and could speak and no one would ever know about my past.  Moving was a blessing to me and I loved my new identity as a normal speaking child.  I remember one of my happiest childhood memories of being sent out of the classroom for "talking in class".  I had never heard of the disorder "Selective Mutism".  My heart goes out to all the little children who have this condition and am grateful for the research being done in this field.

I was very happy when this topic aired today. We just recently came out of this situation (thank God)because it was very rough. Our daughter was born with a hearing impairment and at three years of age, we enrolled her in a preschool program designed to help hearing impaired children prepare for school so they would not be behind. First it was the school bus driver that told us she would not speak to them. Then it was her hearing impaired teacher. I spoke to a few friends and close clients about the situation, at this time not thinking it was anything serious. One of them who is a speach pathologist told me about elective mutism. When I started researching this I learned that the name was changed to selective mutism because the kids really do not 'elect' not to speak. At that time, we thought our case was peculiar because the school environment was the only place she did not speak. Like Jacob, she froze in the middle of a conversation in public if she saw anyone from school. Her pediatrician said we did not have anything to worry about, she conceded also that she did not know much about this. Two years in a school environment and not a word. By the time she got into kindergaton, we also had to video tape her reading, spelling and everything else she needed to do. Our frustration however was with the school system because the teachers and other school personnel had no clue about this disorder. I had to fight to get an approval for alternate testing for her since she did not verbalize. She will write her anwers down in class but her kindergarton teacher did not want to accept that her reason being that K5 kids were not expected to write! I will not bore you with the details of that one. One thing we decided from the start was that we will not allow her to be put on any medications. She is an exceptionally bright child like her siblings and I just had faith that she would outgrow the disorder if we made the school environment less intimidating. We learned not to push her to speak but encouraged her to share her feelings with us. She had a good friend who came home sometimes with her. They played speechlessly. Eventually, she was the first person from school she spoke to! The school psychologist had to come to my office to test her after reviewing her video tapes, to ensure this disorder did not affect her school work. The tests confirmed that while in K5, her reading and math skills were at the second grade level. She then wrote a plan instructing that the school allows us to test her on tape. This did not give her undue advantage since she was already performing above grade level. In the end, she started speaking to her hearing impaired and speech teachers on a one -on-one basis in first grade. Gradually she started speaking to a few other students and at the beginning of 2007/2008 school year she walked into her second grade class and introduced herself to the teacher, she has been talkative ever since and continues to maintain an all A average. It took time on our part to coach her additionally, pep talks to allay her fears, lots of prayers, several school lunches and education of her teachers/staff to get her here. A great resource is The Selective Mutism Foundation's website. Thank you NBC for getting the word out. I think every school should have a couple of people trained on this disorder so they can work with parents not against them. In our case, we are educated enough to research and find answers. We need advocates for every child who wants to speak but can't. The school systems have to understand that this is also a disability and testing accomodations have to be made for them too. It is hard enough for parents to deal with this without having to deal with the school system too.

Thanks for airing this story. I have been teaching first grade for 11 years and have a student this year who would not communicate at all with any teacher in the building. No one knew what to do and most thought she was just being stubborn and controlling. Thanks to an awesome speech language pathologist, I was given information about selective mutism and this child is now beginning treatment. Maybe some other teachers will see this story and recognize that a child in their class actually has a real anxiety disorder and is not being mute just to be difficult. What a huge help it will be to that child!!

My 12 year old daughter was diagnosed with selective mutism.She doesnt even talk to her aunts.This is a very misunderstood condition.People always insinuating things. "are you sure nothing happened to her?" I was very relieved when I saw the show today.Finally!! My daughter is still not talking in school and she only has one close friend but I keep plugging along,looking for help for her.If anyone has any advice for us email me at slimcarney@aol.com

I have a 12 (13 next week) year old.  She was diagnosed at 10, however has been selective mute since she was a toddler.  I just kept hearing that she was shy.  It was bad.  She was in the gifted program at school, but we ended up pulling her out, because as they become older, so much is verbal.  She is on zoloft now, and does talk some.  She does well in school, and joins many activities, but she still doesn't have any friends.  It's so heartbreaking.  

I agree with Dr. J Shipon.  We are very fortunate that Dr Elisa Shipon-Blum is our son's doctor and advocate.  We know that she is the main reason that Robby feels so successful today.  His confidence is due to her research, instincts, effort and the brilliant treatment plan she developed. I wish they had allowed her more time to elaborate about her work in this area.  

I am confused.
In People magazine, Dr. Shipon-Blum was Jacob's treatment doctor. Why was she not the expert interviewed for the segment? She is the expert who has put selective mutism on the map. Am I missing something or did they miss the boat in explaing the true nature of SM? The focus, as usual, was on SM being all about not talking.  My child was diagnosed with SM and we saw 3 different therapists and doctors before seeing Dr. E. helped us see things in a completely different way. Our child made astonishing progress with the expertise of Dr. Shipon-Blum. Perhaps the network should have done their homework before the show.

My son will be 9 this month and we noticed his "shyness" around age 3. At home he didn't stop talking. One day his Doctor said "selective mutism" and I started researching.  Preschool for him was full of anxiety, K thru half of second was full of anxiety.  He loved school, his teachers, and his friends he just could not talk. I pulled him from a classroom with a teacher who WOULD NOT research this, so I homeschooled.  We worked on his regular school day assignments but we also focused alot on coping stratgies to help him recongnize his anxiety and some things he could do to help him manage it.  IT WORKED!! "T" still does not talk to everyone however this year he can and does talk to his teacher and his classmates.  
I found a wonderful web site full of information!  FINALLY someone else in this world knew what I was seeing in my child.  The web site is selectivemutism.com founded and run by a Doctor Jonathan Berent in New York.  
Some and I mean SOME children do use medication for a VERY SHORT time to help reduce anxiety in order to help them realize what calm does feel like, but this is ONLY reccommended for EXTREME cases (like my son).  Jonathan Berent prefers NOT to use meds.  

If I had not found his web site I really don't know where we would be.  I get a monthly tip and I have ordered some of his cd's.  When I did call his office to find out if there was someone close to where we are for some of the camps he offers............HE CALLED me back!!  Not his office personal!!  I felt like my son and I mattered to him and we weren't just a number or a test.  If I could afford the trip for my son to attend one of his week long sessions we would be on the first plane there.  I read my monthly tip and I go to his web page often, it has truely been a blessing for us.  I hope this helps someone's child but more importantly someone's parent know that maybe their child will outgrow this and maybe they won't, but all it means is that these kids have more anxiety than the rest of us, NOTHING else.  I also hope that if there is one child out there labeled with yet one more "THING" to medicate for that they can get answers from this and rest a little easier. (maybe stop that "one more medicine" and label) One more thing, SOME doctors have even labeled children with Autism, I think it is because they don't know the answer and when you tell them about this they think you are crazy.  

My son is a wonderful intelligent child and finally his teacher can witness this as well as many of his friends and our friends.  But as his parent I had to do the research and weed out the thearpists and people who wanted to drug him. We are smarter for it.  
Thanks for taking time to read this.
 

The topic has generated a tremendous amount of interest and a number of questions.  To help those looking for more information, I would like to refer you to several sources: the Selective Mutism Foundation (www.selectivemutismfoundation.org), the Selective Mutism Group-Child Anxiety Network (www.selectivemutism.org), and the NYU Child Study Center website (www.aboutourkids.org).  For those interested in evaluation and treatment, university centers for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry or Departments of Psychology or some centers for Speech and Language Therapy have professionals that are often familiar with the disorder.  Research work is being supported by the National Institute of Mental Health in several settings with one program in particular at the University of California at Los Angelos in their child and adolescent anxiety disorder program at the Neuropsychiatric Hospital.  

Hopefully all of the professionals working in this field can help spread the word and assist families in getting assistance that is generally effective.  

I am a speech pathologist working in the Early Childhood Special Education Program in my school district.  Last spring a four year old child was referred to our program. Like Jacob, she spoke at home but not at her preschool or other public places.  Her parents taped her at home, and she demonstrated excellent communication skills.  During a formal language evaluation she demonstrated above average comprehension of language, but did not respond to any verbal tasks or even respond nonverbally.  When she was observed at her preschool, she chose to play by herself, and when other children moved into her space her face would flush.  When she moved away from the other children, her cheeks would return to normal.  When we reviewed results of the evaluation and observation with the parents, it was suggested that they consider speaking to their doctor about medication to help reduce anxiety, and we developed educational goals to address speaking with others in various situations. The parents did indeed decide to place their daughter on medication and called it her "talking medicine."  Our first goal was to have a member of our team work with her in her own home.  She spoke to our couselor on the very first visit.  After she became comfortable talking with another person in her home, the couselor then began to visit her in her classroom during play time.  Our next step was to have a "tea party" with some of her friends, our counselor, and myself. Next she came to our school setting and we worked individually.  When we achieved success, she was then placed into therapy with a child she had not met previously.  Four months after beginning a program which combined both medication and behavioral therapy, she began kindergarten confidently interacting verbally with her teacher and peers at school.  Selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder which affected her ability to communicate.  The medication reduced her level of anxiety, and our behavioral goals provided her success in situations starting with the most comfortable setting such as her home and gradually building to new situations which included new settings and new people. Success!    

Thanks for shedding light on this little-known subject.  For a long time, we didn't know what was wrong with my daughter when at about 5 years of age, she showed signs of this disorder.  I tried punishing, cajoling, pleading, using rewards, and nothing worked.  It was awful.  She then began to show signs when we would travel back east to visit family--she wouldn't talk to grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, at all.  We went through several years of this before a friend suggested selective mutism, then our journey for a treatment began.  We went to counselors and psychologists, but to no avail.  Then, as a last resort, I decided to take her to a child psychiatrist.  He was very low key about it, and said that he knew of the disorder and had treated successfully some children with a low dose of Prozac.  I didn't really want to go that route, but being desperate, we went ahead.  After about six months, I was about to give up on the meds, but I got a call from her 3rd grade teacher.  She said "I thought you would want to know.  Angie is speaking to classmates, and reading in front of the class!"  I wanted to cry!  Then she came home and began whispering at first, to her older brother, who had moved home after being away a while; the SM didn't allow her to speak to even him.  It was as if the dam burst and the words began pouring out!!!  To parents of children like this, who have the opportunity, don't be afraid of using medication!  In our case it was a God-send, and my beautiful daughter was able to overcome this anxiety disorder!!  She is now 13 and you would never know in a million years that she ever struggled with selective mutism!!!

My daughter was selectively mute for 2 years. After 2 years of unsuccessful behavioral therapy we asked her psychiatrist, Dr. Harry Wright in Columbia SC (who is an expert on the topic) if we could try prozac therapy which we had read about. We started with a low dose and worked up. She was 4 when she became selectively mute. It lasted 2 years until she was 6. Now she is 21 and has not had a recurrence. Dr. Wright wrote a paper on her in a psychiatric journal. He called her Leah for anonimity but her real name is Cayce. We will always remember how Dr. Wright ended our nightmare.

My daughter, Madison, was diagnosed with Selective Mutism when she was in pre-school. My Mom saw something on TV about SM and looked it up on the internet. She gave to me to give to Madison's pre-school teacher. The teacher said it sounded just like Madison. I also gave the information to my pediatrition and he gave me a name to a child psycologist. There, she was actually diagnosed with SM. One of the most painful situations I had ever seen was...My oldest daughter and I went to the pre-school to pick Madison up. We got to the school alittle early, so we decided to watch through a window at Madison playing on the playground. She had a friend at school that she always talked about at home but never spoke to her. As we watched, Madison just walked behind some girls, (one was the one she always talked about) she would just follow them around. I would say to myself, "Just turn around and say something to Madison" The worst part was looking down at my oldest daughter and she had the biggest tears in her eyes. She said to me,"Why won't they talk to her" It is so hard watching your baby struggle like this. I swear she is the loudest one in the house. It is unbeleivable how quiet she gets around relatives, friends and family. She is just like Jacob, she actually communicates through a friend at school. The child psycologist suggests that we put Madison in the same class with someone she knows. In kindergarten, she was with her cousin, 1st grade she is with her friend. This year Madison will whisper to her teacher. That is such a huge accomplishment!! The great thing is Madison has a Fantastic teacher. I also printed pages and pages of information for her teacher before the school year started. So she knew what she was in for. I am so glad because many teachers don't have the patience for children with SM. I remember Madison's pre-school teacher yelled at her because Madison wouldn't hold her hand. Not the best thing to do with a child with SM. Madison cried for hours!!

DR. Shipon-Blum has been treating my grandchild Robert Fishman age 7 for the past 4 years.  If my daughter Anne Fishman hadn't found this dedicated professional and  specialist in selective mutism when she did Robby would not be making the steady progress he has in becoming less anxious and speaking in school and  other challenging situations.  Dr. Shipon-Blum, despite her very busy schedule, is always available to meet with Robby's teachers and to design and redesign his treatments as he progresses.  She did the work making selective mutism known and offering families and school systems specific, realistic treatment approaches.  She should have been interviewed on your show and she should have received accolades.  Our family is very grateful to her.

I am a special education teacher and I knew my daughter had this diagnosis since the age of 4. I have had a few children in my classroom with this disorder but it went undiagnosed. Some thought it was a language disorder but it is not.  These children have great language (both expressively and recetively).
My daughter is now 12 and recently recieved the diagnosis by a Dr. at CHOP in Philadelphia.  It hastaken us years to find someone to help us. It was extremely hard to find a Dr. who specialized in this area.  Dr. Shionblum sounds fantastic but unfortunaltly, doesnt't take insurances.  I did find her website useful and informative and it helped when I went elsewhere for help for my daughter.  I  brought all of the information with me show the Dr. that this was my daughter.  
My daughter is the most energetic, funny, loving adorable girl at home but is so scared to speak to anyone outside of the house.  She has never refused to go to school but she is quiet there.  She will raise her hand yet is soft spoken when giving the answers.  She spoke to her grandparents at a younger age but as the years went on the talking decrease dramatically.  She has only spoken to 2 of her aunts and that was when she was younger.  She will smile, nod and gesture when around other family members. She egages in town sports but is on-verbal whe doig so. She has a handful of friends that she is comfortable with but only speaks with them. Her best friends does alot of talking for her and people will ask her friend questions about my daughter right in front of her.  She has been receiving therapy once a week and is taking medication for the anxiety/social phobia.  I see changes already and my daughter says she feels different too.
If you want the real scoop on this disorder, contact someone like Dr. Shionblum and parents who seem to be more educated about the disorder than the Dr. that was on your show.  This disorder needs more public awareness and more Drs. to be trained in it.  These are not just shy children or is it a control issues. these are children who are scared to death to speak to people and who have the fear of being heard speaking to people.  They don't refuse to speak because they are use to their parents "facilitaing" for them. They don't speak because they are frightened.
I am please with the progress my daughter has made. To others it is very small but to us it is very big.

I would like to contact Dottie too so that I could learn her therapy techniques.  I am a speech pathologist teaching a self contained language classroom and have a student with selective mutism.  I feel lost when trying to help her.  

I just wanted to thank you for doing a segment on " Selective Mutism ". I have a 6 1/2 year old daughter who suddenly stopped speaking at age 3. No one could figure out what was happening to our daughter. Relatives started getting mad at us and telling us that our daughter was being rude and defiant by not answering them anymore. Just as the little boy in the article our daughter too would talk your ear off at home but the minute she left for school she stopped talking. She would hold hands with the kids, play with them like any other normal kid would play. Her " friends " just started excepting her for her. They too would start speaking for her saying to others " she doesn't talk ". She is happy in school and extreamly smart and doing well, right on course! The only difference between her and the others is that she doesn't speak. She has no speech problems and no hearing loss. We tape record her reading asignments into a tape recorder for her teacher to hear and to accurately asses her skills and her reading level. This has been a life saving tool for us to help her to communicate and it does work! After 3 years of thinking she had this condition and working with her, we finally got the official diagnosis by a Dr. Bernstein at the Unniversity Of Minnesota Teaching Hospital. We too thought this condition was rare.People were constantly questioning us such as.." Did someone hurt her? Did someone scare her? Did someone say something to her? We truely thought that people were thinking that she was being abused and that scared us to our core. We are releived to know that we are not the only family dealing with this issue. It's an extreamly frustrating condition.It takes a lot of love and alot of patience on the part of the family. Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank you! Please keep in touch with me if you ever do another segment on  Selective Mustism again! I would be happy to share with you what I know and how I deal with it day to day.

Your devoted " TODAY " show watcher!

I believe my daughter, Ale, had this when she was 3 and 4 years old. She was never officially diagnosed but she wouldn't talk in preschool at 3 and the teacher thought she had a speech problem or some problem she couldn't identify. She grew up learning 2 languages at the same time so they thought that might have something to do with it. She would talk at home with family,knew social expectations in a Latin family but was quiet with others. We changed schools and at 4 in preK she didn't talk very much, only to a couple of kids. They had her repeat the 4 year old class saying she was immature and needed to be more social. I really believe she had this disorder. She started girl scouts, vacation bible school in summer, art classes and at 8 I put her in music lessons, soccer and softball. I wanted to expose her to different things to see what she liked. Although she was still quiet and shy, only talking when spoken to, the other activities seemed to help her learn social skills, coordination and to work with others. She stayed in the same school until after 6th grade when I felt they were stifling her and putting her in the "dumb class" (her words),and eating her fingers and nails until they were raw because she was stressed. I knew that we had to change environments. We changed schools to a slightly larger one for middle school and again slightly larger for high school. I believe this helped  her become more confident enough though it challenged her comfort level. She excelled in academics and did very well in sports and continues to this day. She will be 18 in a few months. She is still quiet, timid at times, has trouble leaving phone messages,(gets all tongue-tied)gets very anxious when people yell at her or she has to speak or do presentations in front of people but has a good group of friends both girls and guys,is a good listener and very understanding of anyone with a problem. The problem is many teachers and coaches take it the wrong way- like they don't know the material or aren't pumped up and motivating to others on the team. They think they are too passive. They don't realize by putting pressure on them, they get nervous and freeze, instead of being positive, encouraging and not so negative when they want them to do something. There is a lot of ignorance of this problem.
I would like to know what is out there to help these kids as they transition from high school to college to career choice? R. Sosa

I have a nearly 7 year old daughter with this condition. It's a very exhasting condtion for a child to have as it's takes an enormous amount of control. People who knew her would understand somewhat, otherwise I as a parent would have to "talk" for her and she would whisper to me what she wanted to say. She has been in the same school for 4 years and only this September did she start to talk to her teacher that has known her for 4 years! There are times when we see sign of getting better and then signs of the mutism coming back in certain situations. I believe it will be an ongoing condition that will never fully leave her. As parents we walk alongside our daughter and help her the best we can.

I was never diagnosed with selective mutism, but from what I understand that is what I had.  My parents just thought I was horribly shy.  At home I was one way and at school another.  I always wanted to voice my opinion but I could never overcome whatever was holding me back. I've had people joke around and state that maybe I was mute.  Today, I am 33 and I talk more but I still have anxiety attacks and I am very quiet and speak only when necessary.  I am like that with my distant relatives, friends, and co-workers.  Unfortunately, my immediate family would like for me to shut-up.  They also help me to speak when we go into public places.

My daughter just turned 10 and has selective mutism. It is good to know that there are others out there like her.

I was very glad to see the show this morning.  I teach in an elementary school we have a student that is now in 4th grade with this problem.  I plan to share this information with the other staff members.  It will help the student. It may also help the parents if they knew of others with this condition and that they can get help for this.

When I saw this story I remember a story in a book by George W. Burns, 101 Healing Stories; Using Metaphors in Therapy (2001, p. 6-7). In the section Metaphor Therapy, The Power of Stories, Burns describes his experience using a short yet powerful allegory that drew the power to change from a six year elective mute. Metaphor - a very powerful teaching tool used in therapy.

FINALLY!!!  That's all I can say, is finally, people are learning about SM and talking about it.  My daughter, now 11, has been showing signs since birth.  Her main symptoms were crying from the minute I left to go to work until I returned.  She couldn't make eye contact with strangers....she would cry until they moved away from her.  She was hyper-sensitive to any new person or situation. This continued well into her school-aged years.  Through this journey, I had doctors tell me she was just strong-willed and manipulating me, she was "just shy" and would outgrow it.  Even her father said "she's just shy".  Not only would she not speak in new situations, her body would freeze, as well.  She would speak to her father and to me, but not to my sister, my parents, or anyone in preschool. I took her to a pre-ballet class when she was 5 or 6.  She wanted to go every week, but she would not participate.  She wanted to, but she just couldn't.  Every week, we would go and watch.  There were no books or counselors to get ideas from.  One child psychologist I took her to when she entered Kindergarten and STILL wouldn't speak to anyone, or participate in PE or music, and after putting her through all of the testing, said to me that she was sorry she couldn't give her a true evaluation because my daughter wouldn't talk to her.  HMM....That was why we were there!!!  
Long story short, I came across the term "selective mutism" on WebMD with searching under "anxiety".  I have tried a number of psychologists, psychiatrists, but I've found no one that she will open up to.  What I have done is to NEVER chastise her for not speaking, instead, given her incentives for speaking up in class, giving her the chance to speak and, yes, speaking for her if it reaches a critical level of discomfort. She is now 11 and in 5th grade.  She has made tremendous progress.  Slowly, but still progress.  She presented a book report in front of her class at the end of last year.  I took her for ice cream today and she ordered her own cone!!  Slowly, her comfort zone is expanding.  I hope more people become aware of this and more research is done and support networks developed.  These children need a lot of patience and understanding, and most of all, encouragement.  

We noticed that our daughter had Selective Mutism when she was in Kindergarten. We just thought she was shy until then. We brought her to a social worker and she would talk to the social worker by bringing a tape that she had recorded at home. She would play games with her if her sister would go along and do her talking for her. The social worker told us that she would grow out of it. She didn't, she's now 13 and has never spoken to my grandparents, my mother-in-law or any of her aunts or uncles. She does however talk to kids her age or younger, my cousins in their 20's, my parents, her brother,sister and her father and I. She talks quietly to her teachers only when she absolutely has to. She once talked to Santa Claus at the mall. I kidded with her and said  "You won't talk to your grandmother but you'll talk to a stranger at the mall in a big red suit" She said she had to, so she would get what she wanted for Christmas. Out of my 3 children she is the loudest at home. She is witty, funny and stuburn. She is a straight A student in all advanced classes. There are other issues besides her mutism that have recently begin popping up. She has trouble saying Thank You, Your welcome, Please, or  I'm sorry. It's not that she's rude, she just can't do it. Also, she won't spend the night over her friends houses or even my mom's (who she does talk to). And except for school, she does not really want to go anywhere but home. She doesn't even want to go to the movies. When I did research on Selective Mutism, some of what I read mentioned that it was genetic and ran in family's with anxiety disorders. And it definitly runs in both sides of our families.

There are so many people commenting here, that I wish I could write back to them.  Some even welcomed questions from others.  But how do we get in contact without people leaving their e-mail address?  I would love to know others who have gone through this.  And the things that helped their child come out of it.

My son went through all of preschool without speaking.  We tried so many things, but did not know what he had.  One day the preschool teacher gave us a copy of an article she found in the newspaper about selective mutism.  After reading this article and finding more info. on the internet, we were sure he had SM.  This was confirmed by two pshychologists.  We have been taking him to a second pshychologist since this past summer, who has had experience with a few of these cases, but at this point all he seems to do with our son is "play games" during their sessions.  The psychologist never has anything to say to me at the end of each session.  Sometimes he brings me in before they start to discuss what's happening with my son in school.  We just started my son on a very small dosage of Prozac a month ago... my son did not want to take the medicine (we told him that it would help him to talk), so we have been sneaking it into his daily dinner drink.  My son is in Kindergarten now, and has a great teacher (and school principal) who has been working closely with us on the proper treatment for our son.  5 months into Kindergarten, he still will not talk to the teacher.  Though we've been told he occasionally will talk to one friend (that we had over to our home a couple times).  Sometimes this friend will speak on our son's behalf.  However, my son has come along way since preschool.  In preschool, many parents would ask the teacher "what is wrong with that boy?"  It really hurt to hear that and to watch our son during little performances that the children had for their parents.  Our son would just put his head down and not make eye contact.  However, in kindergarten he has overcome that and will now do things like raise his hand, clap his hand along with the group, and communicate in non-verbal ways.

Still, it is very hard to watch and I pray my son will come out of this... it's just the waiting and wanting him to be a happy child so badly.  He seems so happy and normal at home.  It just breaks my heart because he is such an intelligent and great boy.  I know it takes time, but we are still at the stage of trying to find more methods to promote verbal communication.  I really hope that he will speak before he gets to second grade (which is at a different school).  Luckily, he is in a looping class and will have the same teacher next year.  If anyone wants to write me with your experiences, I would welcome that.  lovebarbie@adelphia.net  

My husband will be going to a seminar in Long Island next month, that is by Dr. Elisa Shionblum's group.  Hopefully that will provide us with information that we don't already know, as it is so hard to find people in our area that are familiar with SM.  It would be great to find more parents in this area that have dealt with, or are going through this same process.  Thanks for reading.

Wow! What interesting BLOGS. I would like to put a different perspective on things.  Reading these stories...I see I'm not so alone!  However, I am not a parent but an educator of 18 years.  I had a child with selective mutism in my kindergarten class and then I had him in my 2nd grade class as well (when I moved to a new grade).  We thought he would feel more comfortable (less anxiety) with me again, but after reading the blog on the family that moved away I am not sure we did the correct thing.  I sure wish NBC would do some more extensive studies and give some more help. It sounds like there is no quick answer.  I found it very difficult to find information and help on this issue when I had my student.  I wanted so badly for him to talk to me...I felt like a failure.  He seemed so happy and would laugh (no noise), smile, try to participate, kids would talk for him, he would write notes to me, but never say a word to anyone.  He even would sneeze without making a noise!  When I would call home he would answer the phone, but drop it as soon as he knew it was me.  It was a terrible feeling.  I became a teacher because I think kids are great; I wanted to make a difference;I wanted to keep them safe and happy--I think "my guy" was happy, but no conversation.  However, he still sees me in the hallway and waves to me if I make the first move, but still does not speak. We have a very good non-verbal communication realationship going.  I had tons of creative ways to assess him in K and 2nd grade in non-verbal ways.  We did a lot of cassette taping of him reading at home, but he never wanted anyone else to hear him. He is very bright!!!!!!  In 3rd grade, he still isn't talking.  Any suggestions or help on what else we could do. We live in a very rural area and it is difficult to get great help.  Any suggestions? "We" teachers feel for the parents...I can't imagine.  But please know it is very frustrating for the teachers as well...we feel so helpless...not a comfortable place for us to be!!!!
I feel bad for the lady in Silver Springs.  I am sorry that she had teachers that didn't seem to care....I sure hope that is not a commom occurance!  Our job IS to help!

Great news for those looking to discuss SM with others.  As a regular user of Yahoo Groups, I don't know why I didn't think of searching for a SM group until now.  I found a discussion group consisting of over 500 members.  You can join and either read the posts at the website, or have new posts sent to your e-mail address.  Here is the link:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Selectivemutismsupportgroup/

You will have to cut and past the full link above to your web browser.  Hope to see some of you there.  I just joined!

My 9 year old daughter was diagnosed with SM 5 years ago.  She displayed the same symptoms that so many previous posters have described.  It was her speech therapist who first suggested Selective Mutism (something we had never heard about).  Since then we have tried many things and our daughter has progressed slowly and for the first time this year (3rd grade) will speak one on one with her teacher.  So, we are always encouraged to see things in print or on television to educate more people and raise awareness  of Selective Mutism.  We knew (from selectivemutism.org)ahead of time that the piece would appear on the Today show and were tivo-ing it as well as watching it live.  My husband and I had the exact same reaction as MICHELLE from LONG ISLAND.   What in the world was Matt Lauer (someone I normally respect and admire) thinking when he kept saying that it was a "STRANGE" segment and "BIZARRE"?  We were shocked and offended and I think MICHELLE did a good job stating this. I hope Matt hears about these comments and thinks twice about what he says and the impact his words will have on people.  His "teases" might be the thing that remain in people's mind if they weren't able to stay and watch the segment.  

I have an 18 year old daughter who has been fighting SM for 16 years. In the early 90's it was very hard to find a Dr who would take you seriously. I glad to hear that so much progress has been made.  She's almost made it through school but now faces a whole new set of challenges in the workforce.

My daughter is 11 years old and was diagnosed with selective mustism when she was in the third grade. Her first two weeks of Kindergarten she did not say anything. Not one word! There were other little things that led me to believe there was more to her "shyness" than what others were saying. One of her 1st grade teachers told me she was defiant. She had an episode with her where my daughter became stiff and could not move. The teacher did not know how to deal with this. Then in third grade another episode of her becoming stiff and not being able to move or talk occurred. I happened to be doing research online and came across a reading on selective mutism and I was reading about my daughter. Since having her diagnosed she has come a long way. She was in therapy for two years and we just take one day at a time right now. She continues to be very quiet and at times still cannot speak. Its so nice to read that other parents are going through this same thing with their children. I want to thank everyone for sharing their experience. I feel teachers need to be educated on the anxiety disorder to be able to understand that our children are wonderful, beautiful children with a very frustating problem. Have patience and be posititve.

My daughter Emily who is 16 now was diagnosed in Kindergarten with SM at Strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester NY.
She only talked to my husband, her siblings and Grandparents.
She was a good listener and many children told her their darkest family secrets...knowing she would never tell anyone.
Emily also did not like standing out and would never dress up.  She prefered to wear plain clothing.  Emily hated getting her hair cut and never liked having a photo taken....never a school photo.
Emily remembers teachers giving out treats in school and she often was not able to receive them because they told her if she didn't verbalize "yes" or "no" she would not receive the ice cream or candy like the other students. I would tape Emily's voice at home reading and doing the verbal part of her studies so that she would get a fair grade.
My biggest fear was that she would be in an emergency situation and would not be able to verbalize her needs.
Emily was started on prozac in 1st grade but did not speak until 3rd grade when we changed schools.  She did not know the teachers there and knew very few students.
We discontinued the prozac in 5th grade and Emily has blossomed to become an outgoing well rounded child.
She even reads out loud in class with ease [but chooses the small paragraphs]
My advice would be to be a good advocate and listen to the specialists.  Do not force them to speak...it won't happen and makes their anxiety worse.

Thank you for doing this story.  My daughter is 6 years old and was diagnoses with SM just after her 3rd birthday.  We were very lucky that her pediatrician was familiar with this condition.  He diagnosed it right away.  We had always noticed that she was a little "shy" around people, but her father and I are both introverted so we didn't think to much about it.  Then we had a full blown trigger.  I went away with my husband on a business trip for a few days and left her with her grandparents (which she had done before).  This time there was something different.  I dropped her off at preschool on the morning that we left and reminded her again that she would be staying with her Nany and Grandpa.  That evening when I called to check on her, Nany told me that she had not talked all day.  From the moment that I walked out of her preschool classroom she was silent.  We thought she would wake up the next morning her old self . . . that did not happen.  In fact, after her father and I came home she would not even speak to us.  For nine weeks we lived in utter silence.  We had a lot of people laugh and say they wish they could get their children to do the same thing.  This did not help us.  Can you imagine how you would feel if your first born would come and curl up next to you on the couch and want you to run your fingers through her hair, but would not say "I Love You".  She was very affectionate towards us, but would not speak.  I cried a lot during that time.  I can remember laying outside her bedroom door during this time and listen to her play with her dolls.  She would whisper to them in her room.  After those nine weeks, we really began to research SM and joined SMG.  We made progress with some family, but not anyone in school or outside the home.  We were hesitant to start her on any medication at such a young age.  We wanted to see what would happen if we followed all the steps we were told to.  However, when we were getting ready to start kindergarten this year we really stepped it up. We talked to all the schools in our town that offer K5, public and private.  It was a real eye opening experience.  Some schools didn't even want to talk to us because of the SM (they did eventually admit this).  We also started seeing a child psychiatrist and put her on medication.  Well, we did put her into a small private school that was willing to learn about SM and take the time to make sure she didn't fall through the cracks.  Six months later, we have a new child.  While she still doesn't talk to the teachers, they do communicate.  That is what we are working on now.  But she had totally opened up and started talking to other children.  Even in front of adults.  She doesn't seemed frightened for them to hear her voice anymore.  After this school year we will be moving from SC to GA.  At first the thought of this really scared me, but seeing the difference in her over the past few months has relieved my anxiety.  She even says she is excited about moving.  

Anyone that is going through this is going to need a lot of patience.  Just remember you will get a lot of unsolicited advice from people who think they know what you are going through.  Take their support, but know that you are that childs parent and you will know what's best for him/her in your heart.  I will continue to pray for all those affected by SM.

Thank you for this report!  I work for Parent to Parent of PA, a non profit organization who links families of children and adults with disabilities or special needs. I have just learned about this condition myself through a parent who has recently called wanting to talk to someone with this SM. I can't wait to tell her about the ideas I learned here.  I'm sure she will be reading them herself tonight!  Thank you

It would really help many, many families if more media attention would be given to Selective Mutism. If Oprah could do a show on it...Wow! It would help so many families and teachers.  My perspective is a little different in that my niece Olivia Rose suffers from SM and she was placed in my Kindergarten and first grade class to aleviate her anxiety in her first years of schooling. It was a very emotional time for us all but, thankfully, with guidance from her parents and therapist, support and patience from my peers and administrators, and reading all the material I could get my hands on, Olivia has made great, great strides and is every bit of a third grader.  She has participated in a holiday performance in front of a huge audience, has joined a cheerleading team, participated in girl scouts and dance and continues to have successes daily! With support, guidance, and lots of patience, I believe all children who have SM will overcome their obstacles. Kudos, to the Today show!

My own son has not said one word to me in almost two years. I feel like it's hard for me to be a good father to a boy I can't communicate with the way I want and need to. My son is six years old and started to stop talking when he was four. He will olny speak to a couple of his teachers at school and hasn't even said a word to his gandmother in almost to years as well.He used to always talk to me and my mom and then just stopped. It's hard for me not to get frustrated with him at times when I ask him something that I really need to know the answer to like when I nedd to know were his older bother is or something else important. I guess he'll just talk when he's ready becouse I've tried everything.

My 27 year old son had this problem from the time he was 4 years old tell he was a freshman in HS.  He called his 2nd grade teacher on the phone and read to her at home. She really did her best to work with him. They tried to hypnotize him and he just went into a deep sleep.  He always made good grades.  He taught himself to read. He now hires and fires employees where he works. Talking at home was never a problem for him.  When I was on the phone he would get loud to people could hear him,  He wanted a ventriloquist doll so we got him one. My mother said he would get white and clammy and could not talk to her anymore. He worked with several physiologist but never talked to them. He is still soft spoken but is married and has six great children.

In Matt Lauer's defense, all that he implied by using the word "bizarre" is that the condition is unusual as well as mind boggling and there is no denying that it is.  My daughter was diagnosed 6 yrs ago and it is still difficult for me to completely grasp.  

My son is almost eight.  He was diagnosed with SM when he was four years old.  We live in southern New Jersey, a stone's throw from Philadelphia and Jenkintown and were lucky to have been directed to Dr. Shipon-Blum by a family member who is in the education field and had heard of the doctor's great success in this area.  

We had no idea there was an issue at all until one day when my wife was picking our son up from pre-school.  The teacher pulled my wife aside and asked what our son's disability was.  Confused, my wife asked the teacher to continue.  It turns out our son had never uttered a word in school and had developed his own sign language with which to communicate.  My wife immediately thought something was wrong.  I, on the other hand, thought our boy was just shy.  Over time, he stopped talking to just about everyone but his immediate family.  With a few exceptions, he stopped talking to family members, friends and neighbors.    

My wife mentioned our son's situation to her cousin, who is in education.  This is when we first heard about SM and Dr. Shipon-Blum.  It wasn't until I started to research SM that I realized our son might be more than shy.  In fact, I was blown away by the information I was uncovering.  Our son could have been used as the model for the definition of Selective Mutism.  

One of the first things I learned from Dr. Shipon-Blum is that the last thing a parent or teacher should try to do with the SM child is put pressure on the child to speak.  Of course, this is exactly what I had been trying to do for months.  Not only did she explain what had to be done for our son - she showed us, as well.  That night, I told my son that we understood he had difficulty speaking and that it was alright if he couldn't speak.  I told him I knew that he wanted to speak and couldn't.  I let him know that, with Dr. Shipon-Blum's assistance, his Mom and Dad were going to help him.  He looked at me with tear-filled eyes, leaped into my arms, thanked me and told me he loved me.  I hadn't realized the anxiety he had been dealing with until that moment when I saw the look of relief on his face.  That was an amazing moment.    

The day following our first session with Dr. Shipon-Blum, our son spoke his first words in school.  In fact, I don't think he's stopped talking since.    

Today, people look at us like we're crazy when we tell them what our son used to be like.  He is very talkative (just ask his teachers).  He sings in front of hundreds at holiday concerts and has even gotten up in front of his class, with parents present, to read aloud.

It's been a few years now since we've seen Dr. Shipon-Blum.  I would love for her to see what she has done for our son.  She has changed his life.  I wish the same success for all of you whose children may have Selective Mutism.  If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to ignore all the people who tell you your child is just shy.  Listen to your heart.  Listen to the silence.      

I have a granddaughter who has been diagnosed with selective mutism.  She has been treated for the disorder and at the age of 12 is doing great.  She couldn't talk to me for a long time but we found if we played games together and she had to teach me how to play we could begin to talk to each other that way.  We love to play games.

I think back to her mother's upbringing and her uncle's and realize that there is probably a genic link to this disorder as both of them had difficulties in school communicating.  My granddaughter's uncle could only talk to his teacher through his best friend telling her what my son had to say in class.  He was almost held back in kindergarten for not communicating.  But then he was so big and smart enough in other ways that they passed him on.  Today he has a very responsible job in the film industry working under directors like Steven Speilburg and Martin Scorsese and Ron Howard so there is hope.  

My granddaughter is such a beautiful joyful child that it has been worth it to get her the help that she has needed.  And we know that she can be as successful as her mother and uncle have been with this disorder in their lives.

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