I think it's awesome! I will be 30 in Dec and have been on depo for 12 years. I am also thinking about getting my tubes tied but the depo is just perfect for me since I also don't want periods.  I am an only child and have never wanted kids.  I think it's great that some men are choosing for themselves what they want and not letting women pressure them into having kids.  I am also looking for a man that doesn't have kids and doesn't want any. I also don't think that because we dont want kids, that we are in some way defective or have relationship issues.  Kids aren't for everyone.  

Toby, are you able to get a reversal operation if later you choose too? I applaud what you did, not bringing another unwanted child in the world. Kathy

I think Mr. Byrum's decision is a testament to the selfishness of many people in today's society.  

I only wish that this decision was so easy for the majority of women in the United States who choose sterility. Countless times I have talked with women who have decided that they would like to have a tubal ligation - either after children of before - and they are confronted by doctor's around this country that shut them down. Excuses like: "you must be 25 years old before", "you must have at least 3 children", "you must be married and have the consent of your husband". I am all in support of men choosing to end their fertility (my husband recently did), but this piece only reminded me of the double standard that women are faced with.

I am a licensed psychotherapist in MA., and can't help but wonder how much a toxic dose of narcissism fuels Todd's choice. (Baggage from childhood too much or not enough mirroring by his parents??)His choice has set the groundwork for him to focus his energy on pursuits and achievements at the expense of meaningful (and sometimes messy)relationships, but what about generativity (giving back to the world)? His choice and apparent lack of ultruism can result in a lonely old man, with nothing meaningful to review when it comes time to do his end of life stage of life emotional reflection. I do not see his sense of spirituality...is he spiritually bankrupt? I feel saddened for not just his choice about vasectomy, but his focus on self! Leaving a legacy does not only mean having children, but giving back to the world for the next generation. I didn't hear him discuss his ultruistic pursuits, only his "lifestyle"... Being blessed with a spouse and family does not happen to all who hope for it, but he may want to consider his human need for generativity, and spirituality. Todd needs to grasp the mind, body, and spirit that makes up each person and develop each of these parts of himself. It's not all about him, I guess. I hope he doesn't wait to long to discover this

Liane Mann, LICSW

I had a vasectomy when I was 26.  It was a choice my wife and I made together, however I found myself widowed at 35 and back in the dating pool.  Although many available women my age already had children or were 'ready to settle down', it wasn't difficult to find women with similar childless beliefs.  I have now remarried and my wife is happy with my decision, as 'birth control' is no longer a concern for her.

Why is it OK for men to have vasectomies before they have children.....but women have to be at least 25 to 30 years old AND have 2 children BEFORE doctors will consider tubal ligations??? (Unless they have one for medical reasons)   There are plenty of women in this world that do not want children either, but it seems to me they are not,in 2007, given the same options of becoming sterile as men.  

Is love making still the same as it was before??

I think this is a mistake particularly for a young man.    Your wants and needs tend to change as you get older.   Plus what will happen if he meets the lady of his dreams and decides he would love to have a child with her??

Thank you for airing this story. Living in a world where everyone thinks you are a freak for not wanting kids this story is definately refreshing.  My husband and I have been together for 16 years without children.  We both love our nieces, nephews and godchildren but we do not want any of our own.  Koodos to the men who know  what they want out of life. Thanks again.

i applaud toby 100%.  i had my tubes ties at 26, and never had second thoughts, i am now 37.  i'm so tired of people thinking you have to have kids, because that's what everyone does.  i have a niece, nephew & friends kids, why would i want the hassle, time, energy, not to mention money spent on haveing my own.  i may be selfish, but at least i'm selfish before the fact, not after i'm already stuck with them like alot of people.

     Kudos to Toby Byrum for his willingness to admit that he does not want to be a parent. If society would cease the unending mindless pressure to have children (as exhibited by your above question...using the term "childless" as opposed to "childfree") I believe there would be far more people making the same choice.

      Most of those whom are "parents" do not qualify for the title...children are neglected, abused, and even murdered by their “parents”. They are used as pawns in divorce cases, raised by strangers as both "parents” work full time and more...to afford children that they don't even have time to raise. Even those “parents” that appear to be “good” often spend little if any time with their children…to the point where their kids are virtual strangers to them…which is proven time and time again when parents claim they had no idea that their child was on drugs, committing crimes, etc.
   
     I think that your mental health consultant Dr. Laura Berman should focus more upon the “baggage” that prompts people to have children when they don’t really want them, or are poorly positioned to parent them adequately, as THAT decision is the one most harmful…as the unwanted child is the one who suffers……often in irreparable ways.

    It seems that regardless of a persons ability to raise a child, they are praised and applauded for the fact that they are biologically able to reproduce…no questions asked…regardless of how ill equipped they may be to manage the life of another…often when they have failed at managing their own life.

     Meanwhile, responsible people such as the Toby Byrum’s of the world are those who are suspect in their reasons and motives...and are questioned repeatedly...as if they are far less self aware than those who have children.
     
     Although no one can stop someone from having a child, we as a society can stop rewarding and idolizing those who do so irresponsibly, by emphasizing that those people who have enough self awareness to realize that they would not do well as a parent should be those who are  applauded and praised.

      Anyone with a working reproductive system can make babies…far, far fewer have the ability and/or desire to make the sacrifices necessary to raise those babies to be productive, caring and responsible adults.

     It is high time that we accept reality…and stop trying to brainwash people in to thinking that they must “carry on the family name” and that a life without offspring can’t be rewarding or is an unnatural way in which to live. Where is the value added in such behavior?

We need to support those people who have the courage to admit that they would not make a good parent….instead of ostracizing them…or showing them in a negative light by categorizing their choice as "less" as opposed to "free".

      Until that time, we can continue to expect the children of those “reluctant” parents who have those children simply to please their family their friends, their spouses and society to be the true victims of our blind denial.

As a mother of 2 grown daughters I am always vigilant of their safety & well being. I would still question the vasectomy theory for a single man & his motives. I would also caution women to remember that just because a man has a vasectomy it doesn't mean that there is no need to use protection against EST or HIV.

Toby-I respect your right to choose but what about when you are in your 60's and 70's and there are no children or grandchildren to visit you? Friends are great but no one loves or cares like family. My husband didn't want children at the age of 27 when we got married but after having his first he was never the same. The magnitude of it all really hit him. Now, after FIVE children, his whole life revolves around his kids. We have so much fun doing things together. There has never been anything more selfless nor rewarding as having a family and the love I feel for my husband has grown with each child. I hope you never rule out the possibility of becoming the father to someone else's child someday. Being a good parent really means more than anything else you will ever accomplish in this life.

Typical.Men have always power over their reprodotive lives. I am 35 now.I wanted my tubed tied at 21. I have been with my husband for 15 years. I take 6 different medications that cause birth defects. @ of the medications made the pill "less effective". I was unable to have an IUD due to uterine fibroids, and condoms were not a great solution. Some times they break. I would never want to terminate a pregnancy,nor would I want to carry a child exposed to these medications. I always new I never wanted to "give birth" I even told my husband on our 1st date.  No doctor would give me a tubal ligation until I was 33. I am tired of hearing women have options. We surely do not have the same rights over our bodies as men.

Doesn't Sanders have any other clothes to wear?  I've seen that exact outfit the past three days.  You think an vice pres of marketing would market themselves a little better.

When women want to have a tubal ligation, they are told they have to be 25-30 years old AND have 2 children (unless there is a medical reason not to have children).  Why is it OK, then, for men to have a vasectomy without having children???

Toby was asked if any doctors discouraged him - and his response was no.  Why is it OK for men to decide their own reproduction fate and women have a MUCH more difficult, if not near impossible, time even finding a doctor that thinks a woman should be able to make up her mind about children?  I've not wanted children since I was 15, I'm now 33, still single, and still NOT wanting children.  It's difficult to even find a doctor that would do the tube tie operation.  My married friend's husband had to sign his life away to give his wife PERMISSION to get a tube tie.  The patriarchal based medical industry is very frustrating.

If you want a deeper story than someone just not wanting kids, check into women that actually want a hysterectomy of some sort or a bilateral salpingo oophorectomy.  I know of many women that would like an extreme procedure of this caliber for health benefits as well as thier own lifestyle choice.

I just can't help but think Toby must be extremely selfish.  If he does meet the woman of his dreams, shouldn't that decision be made jointly -- unless the woman is as selfish as he is.  I feel sorry for him.  I have a daughter that I cherish and would give up my life to save hers.  Children are a blessing!

Bravo to the Today Show and NBC for not only addressing a childfree lifestyle in a neutral/positive way, but also interviewing a gentleman.  Most often, ladies who make this decision are the focus.  Men have their own opinions and thoughts on parenthood just as women do.

Toby may you never go through what I am about to tell you.  I was just like you in my 20's.  I vehemently did not want children.  My view was that I thought the world was too populated and that we did not need another child in this world.  I was cynical.  There was so much cruelty in this world, why would anyone want to bring a human being into existence?  Additionally my parents were divorced and knowing the divorce rate statistics, again why would anyone do such a cruel thing to a child?  Anyway that was my view then.....

As Matt pointed out to you this morning, it could happen, things could change as it did for me.

As fate had it, I did get a divorce from my first husband and whew was I ever so glad we did not have kids!  I was absolutely right! Ha - I thought.

Then I met the love of my life...he was going through a divorce and on our first date he hit me with, "I have 2 kids".  Wo!  Should I run for the hills?  But let me tell you, you can not help who you fall in love with if it is for real.  I tried telling him to go away.  I sent him away.  But in less than 6 months we were married and now it is 14 years later.

Anyway the other thing he hit me with shortly after our first date was that he had had a vasectomy.  It did not seem to bother me at first with my views anyway but things changed.  My husband was granted visitation rights every other weekend with those kids and I say, "those" because they were not mine but soon those little devils worked their way into my heart and not intentionally mind you.  They did not accept me but I became a major care taker for them and soon I found myself calling them "my" kids and then it hit me like a ton of bricks --- I wanted my own kids!  But wait!  There was that vasectomy issue!  What now??  It almost ruined my marriage.  My mind had changed but husband's had not.  He was almost done raising his kids and did not want more.  We were at a cross road.  Fortunately for me, he loved me enough to go through a very long and expensive journey with me.  

For you see after about a year with having a vasectomy, it becomes almost virtually irreversible since your body creates antibodies that attack the sperm.  We went to his urologist early in our marriage to get him tested to see what his chances were for reversal and the results were grim not to mention the procedure was not going to be cheap.

We had no money and in fact faced bankruptcy for many years.  It wasn't until we were in our 11th, 12th year of marriage did our finances get some what on track but now I was facing 40!  So the odds were getting even worse!

While it is emotionally difficult for me to discuss what we actually went through I can tell you that we went through several failed attempts at IVF and over $30,000 to finally get my wonderful bundle of joy.

I even tried to get the Today show to cover my story but never got a reply.  My story was heart wrenching.  Therefore I don't know how you even caught their eye.

I can tell you that today there is nothing more joyful than to hear my daughter's voice, see her smiling face, and get a hug from her.  The way she looks at you makes your heart melt and after a long hard day she can make all your troubles go away.

Who cares that the world is cold cruel place full of terrible things.  In our own little world everything is bright!  I can tell you that I am happier now than I have ever been in my life and I am so glad that God did not hold my views against me.

There is nothing that can replace the love for and the love from a child.

As my mother always told me growing up, "Be careful of what you wish for, you just might get it!"

At 21 my husband prior to our marrage had a vasectomy. He really believed he didn't want to ever have children. He told me on our first date the decision he had already made. I felt that he had made a mistake but as Byrum stated there was no going back. We moved forward, got married and at the age 28 he stated he wish that we could have a baby! Someone to share our lives and love with. When my husband was 30 we adopted a beautiful baby girl. The cost of the adoption was over $15.000. He did regret the discision to have the vasectomy at such a young age (I was shocked that a Dr. would even do a vasectomy on such a young person) He also was not informed about sperm banking so that wasn't done. But I'm sure that would have been cheaper than adoption. Our thought now put some (sperm) aside, if you never choose to use it fine but alot happens in life, things and people change. You might just decide to take a trip to the bank.

I wanted to comment on this morning's segment that Matt did about male vasectomy.  I'm glad that it's being brought to the public's attention so that more men can feel supported in that decision.  It's definitely something that counters what society tells males it means to be "a man".  However, I did find that most of the segment was quite sexist, and would appreciate a look at women's choice too.  Here are my concerns with the segment.

1.  While we praise young men for making this choice, society creates barriers for young women (especially if she has not given birth yet) to make this choice.  It would be difficult to find a provider who would agree to do a tubal ligation on a young woman.  We've created this double standard that men can say it's ok to not have children, but we don't trust young women to make that same decision.

2.  At one point in the segment, Matt talks to the guest about how this choice has lead to this guest's "family legacy"  ending if he does not have a male child.  What a sexist comment!  We live in a culture that provides females with the option of keeping their last name if they so choose.  Furthermore, just because someone has decided not to have a genetic child, does not mean that later in life that can't choose to adopt or foster. I think the guest made a good point when he talked about the vanity that he feels when thinking about only having a genetic child.

3.  At the end of the interview with the provider, they talk about other things that males who have vasectomies have to worry about.  Here they cut to the a scene and discussion of how relationships can be more difficult.  However, what I feel is even more important is the false sense of security when we talk about sexual health that males may feel once they've had this procedure.  They are still at risk for getting and transmitting sexually transmitted infections, which can be just as big of an issue as unwanted pregnancy.  It's a shame that this discussion did not even take place.


I hope in the future, segments on sexual health choices will be less sexist and be more geared to the current needs of people who are sexually active.

I think it is okay to be with out children.  I am a mother of 2.  The world is full of women who have had children and abused them.  If he knows he does not want any great.  Maybe more women should stand up so that children are not harmed but loved by those who want the.  I don't think anyone should call this man selfish.

Unfortunatly my husband and I are facing infertility.  I belong to an online infertility support group and have encountered countless couples who are suffering because they have not been able to successfully reverse sterilization.  I wonder what really led Mr. Byrum to make this drastic decision at such a young age...especially without a partner. It seems very neurotic to be so worried about procreating if your not in a relationship. And if he is that sexually active (which was not addressed by the segment), shouldn't he wear a condom!  
  Mr. Byrum, not all those with children "live in the suburbs"...and those that do aren't necesarily leading mundane lives. I totally respect your decision to remain childless (not everyone wants children or is cut out for parenting), but I think your judgemental comments are really a cover for what's really going on inside you.

The guy is only 28. His views on having/not having kids may change as he gets older. People change. He made an irreversible action which he might regret later in his life. There are other ways to control reproductive function.

I am 31. 3 years ago I also cold not imagine taking the responsibility of having children. I've had life experiences since then that have completely changed my views.

i have know some men that has had a vasectomie. and found as the years went by....they meet a mate and have a reversal......doesn't love have a lot to do with that decision....you havn't mention that! thanks bobby e.

Too many people have children because "they are supposed to" and end up not being as good of a parent as their children need (not involved, verbally or physically abusive, you name it). Men and women should not have to succomb to the peer pressure society places on us of having children. Way to go, Toby!

Selfish generation - this is another indication of the complete lack of responsibility that this generation is chasing....what a lazy dope - when he can use a condom but is willing to cut off any loving women who want children! I want to ask him who will take care of him when he is old and in a nursing home and wishing he had a child who would be sure he could live out his life in comfort and safely and feel that someone truly   cared for him - he will reflect back and realize what a foolish, selfish decision he made at such a young age...I feel sorry for him!

I think Toby is very young and very naive.  Also, a vasectomy is reversable so when he says it is an ultimate decision, he could change it.

As a caregiver of my elderly father, I feel sorry for Toby.  No kids to have fun with, share with and to turn to when you need them.  Tell him to buy some really good long-term care insurance and pray he finds somewhere good.  Nothing can compare to the love family gives you.

I think Toby did a fantastic thing and I am glad that doctors are finally letting young people do this! My best friend was 22 when he went in and asked for a vasectomy and they turned him away. I asked starting at 30 if I could have my tubes tied and was argued with. It wasn't until I turned 37 that a doctor finally asked me why I hadn't had my tubes tied. NO ONE WOULD LET ME! Of course most women think I am either crazy or selfish. Personally, I think it is one of the best things a person could do if they are not into the parenting thing.

What does Toby have planned for his later years?  Many people like to spend time with their families.  Children also help their parents through the last years of their lives with things like taking over their finances and healthcare.

What about friends?  Do alot of his friends have children?  Will he have as much in common with his friends, if they have families?

I applaud Toby for his decision.  I have always known that I did not want children.  I tried to have my tubes tied when I was in my mid 20's, but could not find a doctor that would do it.  It is not a crime nor is it selfish to choose to be child free.

Many Christian men across the country have chosen to follow God's design for marriage and have had reversals of their vasectomies. Their reversals have been successful. One close friend has had several children since his reversal. He also had been told it wasn't reversable, originally. Yet, Christian doctors across the country connected with a Christian ministry have proven otherwise.

I was curious if your how your family feels about you ending the lineage with this decision.  Are they supportive, or do they harbor hard feeling toward you for not having children?

I think this may be the start of discussion for other males, of all cultures, to consider vasectomy as an option. I wish our government would offer free, or very low cost, vasectomy's to men, especially for those who continue to have children and can't afford to provide for them. I am a Catholic and chose to only have 2 children that I know I can afford to provide diapers, formula, shelter, and plenty of love for. (this is my soapbox as a RN and a mother, that we should only have kids if we can provide what is needed to care for them, without relying on others to pay for them).

Where's the story about women who want to have tubal ligation?  I have SEVERAL friends who want tubal ligation, but their doctor won't allow them to get it becasue of several reasons.  The primary issue, however, is that to this day the medical profession will not allow women to make their OWN choices about their bodies.  Yes, there are questions that need to be answered, but if a woman decides to have her tubes tied, why can't she?  Clearly, with your story, it's ok for a MAN to decide to have vasectomy.  I wish that the Today show would do a story about women who want to do the same and take control of their reproductive organs.  

For all the unwanted children and the children being raised in sub-standard situations, I think we should be applauding those who choose to not have children.  This man won't be manipulated into having a child, or tricked into a permanent relationship in the future.  That should be praised!

It seems there are several double standards here.  We, as a society, condemn men who don't take care of their children, "dead-beat" dads.  However, when a man chooses to get "clipped", we question his motives and wonder if he isn't psychologically wounded.  

I am 45 years old I had a total abdominal hysterectomy at 25 due to cancer, I have one child from a previous marriage. I wish I could have more with my present husband; however life is what it is... This young gentleman (Toby) has the right to choose. We defend a women's right to choose, are men not equal? I applaud his "courage of conviction" even if my thoughts on the subject go in a different direction.
Very poignant segment!

If it even crosses your mind that you might not want to have kids you are better off having the procedure done as you would probably be an AWFUL parent anyway and society is better off without people like you raising kids without any love.  I think its so disgusting and inhuman to do something like this to yourself but it's your life..do what you want

Some people may think Toby's decision is a selfish one, I disagree. There are too many unwanted pregnancies and the children are becoming the innocent victims.    

Her is another advantage for men, I find hard to hear and would love a doctor to explain to me.  I've known since the age of 25 that I can not have children.  Due to female problems over the past 15 years I have had an ovary rupture, my uterus scraped and my fallopian tubes removed, I nearly died twice from almost bleeding to death.  But doctors always refused to do a partial hysterectomy on me due to my age. Your too young, I'm 40 now and my medical situation isn't any better.  The choice no matter the situation should be up to the individual not a doctor.  Just like a man can put sperm away for the future (in case he changes his mind), a women can do the same with her ovaries and eggs.  

People who do not want children are not selfish. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, and those who recognize this in themselves should be applauded.

So many children are conceived for the wrong reasons and face a childhood lacking in the love they need to develop a healthy start.

I had a tubal ligation at 30. I knew parenthood was not for me at about the age of 14 and have never changed my mind. I am now in my 40s.

My decision has cost me some romantic relationships but this is not an area where one should compromise. It's not fair to anyone in the equation.

Deciding whether or not to be a parent is a very personal choice. I never took the decision lightly, but it was the right and only choice for me.

thank you for doing these segments. It's a little discussed subject and with the human impact on the earth
becoming more evident. Population moderation might just
be a causal factor in global warming. Esp. Americans and
there lifestyle.
BTW. I got a vasectomy 15 years ago and never regreted
it.
Thanks again for fulfilling TV's potential.
Peace.  g.

It's very sad to see people with little or no real direction or purpose to their existence... and when that happens they only can appease their immediate desires.  I am a married man with 5 children, and while it hasn't been easy, I believe that marriage and family is at the very core of what we are doing here on this earth.  It's sad to see a man choosing what he considers an "easier route" for him, but in the long run will, instead, provide him with loneliness and unfulfilled memories.  The only way to happiness in this life is to do something outside of yourself.

Hooray for all those who choose not to have children.  After my divorce at 30 years of age, I decided I did not want to bear children. Friends didn't understand.  I got comments like; don't you like children?, can't you have children?, Who's going to take care of you when you are old?, You'll regret it when you're old and there's no one to take care of you.  Ha, Ha.  I just didn't have the maternal urge to reproduce.  My mother was not a nurturing mother so, maybe that's where my feelings came from. Not once have I regretted my decision.  I'm 64 years old and have had an incredible life without children. The world has changed and I have no regrets!

You may publish this along with my name, I'm not ashamed!

I have two sons from my first marraige and then a vascetomy. Followining years resulted in another marraige and a vaso-vasasctomy at my age of of 41 and my/our daughter was conceived the Friday after Thanks Giving in 1991 @ about 9:45 A:M in Cancun MX. Steve M

I wish there were more men like Toby in this world.  I am a 36 year old woman living in Las Vegas. I know from personal experience that not wanting children presents many social challenges, mostly because everyone is so quick to judge everyone else.  Life is a series of choices, and eveyone is free to make their own based on what they want out of their life.  Not everyone is meant to parent. It is a choice I made for myself a long time ago. Thank you for airing this story because it gives me hope that I will one day find someone who feels the same way I do!

I had a vasectomy at age 28 as well.  I wanted children but my wife at the time didn't.  She wanted to get her tubes tied, but the doctor counseled us that it was safer for me to get a vasectomy than for her to get a tubal ligation.  We opted for my vasectomy.  Six months later she had an affair and we divorced.  I am now married to a fantastic lady who was accepting of me despite the procedure.  I say this because she already had two children and wanted more.  She married me anyway.  If there is one day in my life I could take back, it would be the day I had my vasectomy.  Remember this is a permanent solution.  I now have had a lifetime of regret over this decision.

Hi Toby,
       I'm a 36 year old mother of 3, and I had my tubes tied very, very early. I had it done out of being pressures by family and misleading information. I'm older now my 1st marriage my husband <-no kids) want to have a baby, but I truly regret that I didn't make wiser decisions. There is reversal and IVF options their not cheap, and not a guarantee I will have a baby. So from experience I advice women and men just choose very wisely....

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