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Hooking Up

Posted: Monday, March 05, 2007 8:51 AM by Elizabeth Neumann
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We started our 8:00 hour with a segment on "hooking up" - a term coined by twenty-somethings to define any sexual activity from kissing to having sex.  The term has gotten a lot of buzz recently, especially with older generations who see it as a negative term encouraging reckless sexual behavior among young women.  We had two authors of current books on this topic on the show to debate and define what exactly this term implies for women today.  WATCH VIDEO

I caught up with one of the authors, twenty-three-year-old Amber Madison, in the greenroom after the segment.  Amber's book "Hooking Up" aims to provide young women with the tools and information they need when facing their own sexual experiences to help them to make informed decisions.  I found this topic to be really interesting, as a twenty-something young woman myself, because I have heard the phrase being used for years.  I was recently surprised when having a conversation with my own mother, who was a young woman in the sixties (the age of free love and the sexual revolution), when she mentioned reading about a new term "hooking up" and how shocking and seemingly negative the practice is with young women. 

I was caught off guard by her shock, and had to take a moment and think of what exactly about the phrase she was responding negatively to.  What I came up with seemed to mirror Amber's observations: what my mother's generation is responding to is the issue of non-committal sexual activity at the cost of self-respect for young women.  I think my mother was worried about young women jumping into sexual activity without thinking about what they want to get out of it, merely because it's what everyone is doing -- casual sex becoming the only kind of sex to be had.  Is this what women my age and younger are thinking when we use this term?

I agree that women need to be informed and aware of what they want, be it on a date or in the bedroom.  Amber closed the segment by saying that the issue really lies not in what women are doing sexually, but the way they go about getting what will ultimately be a meaningful relationship for them: "It all comes down to respect."  I'm interested to see what our viewers thought of this segment (let us know!), because I think all women will agree that we deserve respect and fulfillment in whatever relationships we choose to have.  How do we differentiate between being sexually empowered and sacrificing emotional connection to sex?  

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Comments

In the late 1970's,at the age of 19, I had a someone that I "hooked up" with every now and then. Our sexual relationship was based inside a respectful friendship. It started because he hated to see me sleeping around indiscriminatly with men that would treat me badly. John was a wonderful young man that I had met through my room mate. It was a very satisfying relationship. It saved me from many a degrading situation. My next relationship was with the man I married 26 years ago. I think you can have both the emotional connection and the sexual empowerment if you want it.

Gail Stenman, Doylestown, Pa (Sent Monday, March 05, 2007 10:45 AM)

I also grew up in your mother's time, when all was sex, drugs and rock and roll. I also have a concern about "hooking up". I believe back in the sixties and seventies, sex was just for sex, as it appears today. My concern is that sexual relationships are occurring at a younger and younger age. Many of the relationships tend to appear with the intensity of a long term adult relationship yet last as short as days. What kind of message are these kids then left with?

Roberta Reid (Sent Monday, March 05, 2007 10:46 AM)

I am also a product of the "free love" era. I guess what bothers me the most about "hooking up" is that it is the same theme, different times. From personal experience "free love" was a mistake, an improper search for love and acceptance in all the wrong places, at the price of my self-respect. My concern is that young women today are replaying the same scenario that we did 30 years ago with much the same results. "Free love", "hooking up" whatever you want to call it, is a symptom of young women searching for love and self-esteem that can only come from within.

Kathi B., Lawrenceville, Georgia (Sent Monday, March 05, 2007 12:47 PM)

How can we possibly defend "hooking-up"? There is nothing empowering about it! Read "A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue"; it is a thought provoking look at the power a woman had when a man really had to earn her respect and attention. Too many women interpret women's rights as literally acting like men. "When in Rome do as the Romans do" "If you can't beat them join them" The terms conformity and peer pressure come to mind. A very small percentage of these relationships are based on mutual respect. How can you just be buddies after being so intimate? Today girls are fascinated with fine role models like Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton and defending "hooking up"? Many great women fought hard to advance women's rights; let's not move backwards.

Laurie Kenzy (Sent Monday, March 05, 2007 1:13 PM)

"hooking up"is nota new thing. It went on in the 90's. the 80's the 70's, the 60's and probably before then - it was just not talked about as mmuch. I think that it is a bad idea - there is no excuse to just have sex totally without the emotional baggage that comes along with it - whether we want o admit it or not - there are emotions tied to our physical acations. I think we need to be more cognizant of the results of arbitrarily "hooking up" - unplanned children. sexually transmitted diseases - these are the results of our condoning such actions. We should instead encourage responsible behaviour - and be willing to take responsibility for our actions if they result in children, disease, etc. "hooking uo" is not a new phenomenon - it simply has a different name.

C. B. S., Bradenton, FL (Sent Monday, March 05, 2007 1:27 PM)

As a twenty something myself...22 to be exact I'd have to say that "hooking up" is a way of the land so to speak. My own mother wonders why I haven't had and don't have a boyfriend, and it's because of "hooking up". I don't just want to hook up with someone and it seems that guys don't want to put the effort into having conversation and creating a relationship when they can just turn to another girl who will just give them the sex. Girls are disrespecting themselves and their bodies by just hooking up and making it hard on the girls who respect themselves and have boundaries to what they will do with guys.

Deanna, St. Louis, MO (Sent Monday, March 05, 2007 1:33 PM)

I think this "hooking up is sending the wrong message you our teenagers. There is no free lunch as my mother says. You can't just have sex with someone and walk away unless you have no feelings at all. Not to mention, it is not safe to just be hooking up with anyone and remember everyone you hook up with has hooked up as well. I think its gross and scary. I think if you do it enough, it will be really hard to look at yourself in the mirror.

mary beth torres (Sent Monday, March 05, 2007 4:30 PM)

I agree. Different name, different time same ole meaning. It's equal in both camps. The gals are not the only ones, "Hooking Up". I believe I have heard the term, "Duty Call", used to describe it. Many guys today are afraid of a steady relationship and are absolutely terified when it comes to marriage. I can remember how the guys in the 70's used to avoid the subject of marriage, as if it were the plague. They didn't want to be tied down, when there were so many flavors out there to choose from. Guys nowadays are afraid of a Justice system that is gender biased and allows free rein to perpetrators of "False Allegations". Guys, many of which are innocent, are losing their children , their homes and facing financial difficulties because of it. Guys are just to scared to have a serious meaningful relationship. Search the internet. Many say they are saving themselves not for someone special but from a possible lawsuit and major heartache.

Granny (Sent Monday, March 05, 2007 5:10 PM)



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